Into Every Life, a Little Rain Must Fall A Ranma 1/2 (manga) fanfic by Nemesis_Zero Act 3: Shuffling the Deck of Fate Part 1 "Insider" Pre-readers: Freak 247 "Outsider" Pre-readers: Aondehafka Goddess Esteria Grookill Jason Miao Jeram Trunkyboy Zorknot Brief Summary of Previous Acts: After the wedding attempt, Ranma accidentally destroyed the Tendo dojo, and things have just been getting worse for him ever since. In the last week he's been injured, suffered constant nightmares, gotten into numerous fights, suffered ridicule for his virginity, been caught up in another love potion fiasco, put under pressure from his parents and the Tendos to settle the engagement problem, kicked out of the dojo, been expelled from school, engaged to Kodachi officially, and even lost a challenge to Kuno on a technicality. When everything came to head following the challenge and a massive free-for-all broke out, Ranma (perhaps understandably) lost his temper and unleashed a newly discovered chi technique... with disastrous effects. --%%%%%-- The forest was a dark presence, its thick foliage and twisting branches were a danger that he recognized instantly. Fog rolled across the tangled underbrush, further enshrouding the hidden recesses of this cursed land from his wary gaze. The wind blew freely, cold and sharp, bringing with it distant cries of anguish from the shadowy denizens of this phantasmal realm. Yes, Ranma had come to know this dream quite well, or at least he thought he had. He had begun to doubt his presumptions of how this dream would play out when he realized for the first time that he was not actually in the forest, but looking down on it from a barren rocky outcropping. Curious, he turned his gaze away from the forest to its farthest borders, seemingly endless seas of gently rolling hills and grassy plains that, in the right lighting, would look quite pleasant. To the near side, the forest was bordered by steeply slopped cliffs, reaching up into threatening jagged mountain peeks. Above the mountaintops a storm grew, though this was unlike any storm he had ever seen before. Thick black clouds circled overhead, though in apparently random patterns that exposed the occasional bit of blood-red sky. Lightning continuously cracked between these shifting forms in such rapid succession that Ranma could not tell where one rolling peal of thunder ended and the next began. The smell of ozone was thick in the air, but could not mask the scent of approaching rain. Was he making progress? Had he begun his escape from the nightmares that had plagued his sleep for days, or was he simply moving deeper into the terrain towards the blackened heart of his terror? Well, as long as there were no cats and creepy dead guys around, he considered it a step in the right direction. A deep, haunting voice asked from behind him, "Impressive view is it not?" Ranma didn't need even one guess to know that the pale man had come to trouble him yet again. He leapt to his guard and faced the man, but kept his muscles tense, ready to run or to fight without hesitation. "Stay back!" he commanded, trying desperately to ignore the conflicting feelings in his gut that filled him with dread and a strange sort of attractive familiarity at the same time. The man lowered his shifting-hued hood and shook out his tangled black hair with a grin. "Relax, boy... take a moment to enjoy the landscapes of your soul," he advised offhandedly as he took a deep breath. "If you would only grasp a hold of your thoughts the process would be far simpler for everyone involved." "What process?" Ranma demanded. "What do you mean by the landscape of my soul?" The man gave a predatory smile before answering, "It's very simple, really. This entire world is a manifestation of your subconscious soul, a living metaphor for your life. Around the edges it has been warped by the connections you've made with others, but essentially it is all your own creation. The girl, Nabiki, brought those plains with her a few days ago when summoned her, for example. This mountain, on the other hand, was my idea." He leaned casually backwards as the solid rock wall remolded itself to accommodate him, and took another wide glance across the horizon. Not my usual favored climate, mind you, but it seemed to fill the symbolic needs rather well... don't you agree?" Ranma ignored the man's flippant comments to ask, "What about the forest? Why is it here?" "Why ask me?" the man replied, crossing his arms so that the pale flesh of his hands poked out from beneath the shifting fabric. "You made it, after all, so it's your metaphor to unravel." Ranma looked out at the landscape below him in silence for a moment with both curiosity and suspicion. His eyes traced over the tops of the forest canopy, followed the silent flight of birds in the distant skies, noted every hill and plain, every rock and crevice, but no meaning came to him. If this shadowed land was indeed a reflection of his soul, then it had chosen to remain as inscrutable as it had always been. With a frustrated growl and a toss of his head, Ranma turned to regard the cloaked figure, only to discover that he was alone on the cliffside. The dark stranger loomed from above, prompting him to scale the nearly sheer rocks to the next small ledge. Pulling himself up to the ledge, the young man angrily demanded, "What is it you want from me? Why show me all this?" The pale man smirked, his eye sockets brightening as the points of flame within them grew larger, as he replied "All I want from you from now on is for you to be yourself. You've made far better progress today than I expected... I hadn't anticipated reaching this stage of the game for at least a week." "Damn it, I'm tired of the riddles and half-spoken lies! If you want something from me then tell me flat out so I can tell you where to stuff it!" Ranma snarled, taking up a ready stance. The man let loose real laughter now, not a full belly laugh but laughter none the same. It was cut short, however, when Ranma belted him across the face with a savage right hook, sending the robbed figure stumbling back several steps. "You... struck me." The man's accusatory tone was sharp and cold, like a razor-edged sliver of ice creeping through one's veins. His eyes however told a slightly different story, their fearful twitching revealing his uncertain bearing. One pale hand came up to touch his cheek while the other was held out before him in a warding gesture. "Damn right I did, and I'll do it again if you don't stop speaking in riddles!" Ranma threatened, advancing. "I believe that I've said enough for the time being," the mysterious figure replied, never unlocking his gaze from Ranma's. "Besides, you have things to attend to in the waking world." "Coward!" Ranma yelled as the figure faded into the shadows. He charged at the vanishing form, but only managed to pass through it like brick through mist, dashing unavoidably face first into the hardened rock surface of the sheer cliffside. He clearly perceived the sharp crack of the rock shattering beneath his blow as he collapsed to the ground, clutching his rattled skull. He lay on the ground for a moment with his eyes tightly closed, ignoring the pain as he tried to fight through a sudden sickening feeling of dizziness that sent spasms rolling through his gut. Stars and geometric patterns swirled past his vision at frantic pace through his closed eyes. His blood pounded through his ears at an equally quick rate, deafening him to all but the constant deep throbbing. He tasted bitter copper, smelled pungent brimstone, and felt nothing but his own taut scalp and the thousand silver pinpricks of numbed nerve endings. His muscles began to twitch uncontrollably, causing his fingers and toes to curl tightly and his mouth to open in a wordless scream. Forcing himself through sheer will to ignore the flood of sensation, Ranma retreated to his center, his abstract soul. Here in the depths of himself, far from concerns of the world, Ranma discovered something rather interesting: he was currently infused with more chi then he ever dreamed possible and was still gathering more of it into himself at an increasing rate. This was the cause of his sensory overload, an infusion of pure life essence so great that his entire body sang in an ecstatic state. Ranma could ignore his senses but his emotions demanded attention that he could not deny, and they all called out for it at once: pain, pleasure, sorrow, joy, anger, fear, triumph, awe, lust, disgust, hatred, and even love. Still the energy kept building, swelling his consciousness to the breaking point. He felt that if he did not rid himself of this energy soon that he would either die or go completely mad. All at once the sensation stopped and he felt nothing but a great hungering void, growling impatiently in the darkness for a chance at freedom. Before he could guess at it's meaning, however, the tide of energy reversed. In an instant the gathered energy blasted outwards from him in a single line of force centered on his abdomen, dragging with it every emotion again at triple their previous force. His mind buckled completely with this orgasmic flow, leaving only the impression of himself coupled with the anthropomorphic form of the universe, pouring out his essence into the womb of creation in the form of a brilliantly burning new star. Finally, emotion abated and sensation returned. Ranma crashed back to earth wondering if he had truly left it and lay still on his back on the cold ground, desperately reaching for breath in shallow gasps. For several minutes he lay there in the refreshing stillness with his eyes closed, enjoying the beating of his heart as it began to slow and the feeling of his skin coated with a sheen of warm sweat. Rubbing a few small pieces of debris from his forehead, Ranma stood and opened his eyes, then promptly lost his breath again. He was standing in a glass-smooth crater several meters deep. A perfect circle of clean, exposed earth about twice his body length surrounded him, and beyond its boarders he was surrounded by pieces of concrete, iron girders, and the charred remains of burnt wood. Unseasonably, a fine layer of frost covered everything, and the air was chill enough that he could see his breath rising in huffs. Above him arched the former roof of Furinkan's gym, broken and fragile, but with the silent air of a forgotten cathedral. What truly drove the image into his mind, however, was the bloody arm jutting into view from beneath the debris before him, fingers and wrist bent limply. Ranma stumbled forward out of his daze, nearly tripping on a loose stone, as he hurried to the scene. With little effort he tossed aside a chunk of concrete twice his own size, ignoring the exposed rebar as it tore the black fabric of his kendo garb. He followed the arm as more of it became exposed by his actions, noting from its slenderness that it was female and that it was surely broken. Clearing away more debris revealed the unfamiliar face of a young girl, clad in a black leotard... one of Kodachi's squad. Thankfully she was alive, her breathing slow but regular. With nervous care Ranma brushed aside one of her dirty bangs and lightly traced her cheek, but his hand stopped its path abruptly. Something was wrong, in a way that wasn't visible. Clearing away more debris reveled scratches and bruises, but Ranma was not concerned by this. More concerning was the fact that her chi was very slight, almost non-existent, and that it was not traveling in a familiar pattern. Ranma looked up from the girl, spying another unconscious form lying nearby...Ukyo. He rushed over to his friend, quickly glossing over her injuries to find her chi in a similar state of disarray, flowing in a different, but just as wrong, pattern. A younger member of the Kendo squad showed the same signs as well, as did every unconscious form he came across. He made his way out of the crater and the other wreckage, being careful not to carelessly cause any of the unstable debris to shift loose and bury those in the bottom. Emerging from the destruction, Ranma spied a familiar person standing on the outskirts of the damage, Gosunkugi Hikaru. "Saotome..." the thin boy whispered, backing away fearfully with his arms held before him in a protective gesture. "This is serious, Hikaru," Ranma stated as he approached quickly. "I want you to go and call for help; ambulances, fire trucks, and everything else." "Yeah, sure, no problem," The boy replied, backing away, "But what about you?" "I've got something to take care of, so I'm counting on you," Ranma intoned seriously, putting his hand on Gosunkugi's shoulder and staring him straight in the eye. "When they wake up, tell the Tendos that I'll be back as soon as I can, and that I'll make this all right again." "What?" Hikaru asked. "Just tell them!" Ranma snapped, turning to leave. "I just hope I can get back in time," he said to himself as he bound away at top speed, privately wishing that he was still dreaming. --$$$$$-- "Ranma!" With a sudden jerk, as if she were prodded with an electrical cable, Nabiki sat straight up out of sleep, tossing her bedding to the floor. For a tense moment she stared vacantly with terror-widened eyes about the room while her breath came in deep, rapid gulps. Unable to find what it was that scared her so, the last vestiges of her nightmares faded from her waking mind, leaving her to realize that the shout that had awakened her was her own. "Great, getting this worked up over a dream," she berated herself softly as she straightened her satin pajamas. In the back of her mind an image lingered of Ranma, clad all in black, with his head thrown back in a scream, his limbs spread wide and floating weightlessly above the ground. The image stood in silent denial of her rationalized explanation, but excited her, inexplicably. Nabiki raised her arms above her head slowly, curving her back inwards and letting her head roll about her shoulders as she stretched, yawning loudly as the stiffness of her joints faded. She felt as if she had been in bed for weeks, yet was still somewhat tired. She turned curiously to regard the antique black cat wall clock beside her half-closed window, ticking away in its own slightly unnerving way with vacant, slitted eyes (great fun to draw attention to when negotiating prices with a certain young man) which defiantly proclaimed the time to be 7:44. Cursing under her breath, Nabiki sprang from her bed, removed her sleepwear, and began rummaging through her dresser for appropriate school wear. "Nabiki, you're awake!" cried Soun joyously as he barged into the room without so much as a knock. "Hey, I'm naked in here Dad!" she yelled vehemently while trying to cover herself with her hands, "Get the hell out!" Her father was oblivious to her complaints as he dashed across the room and enveloped her in a tight hug. She froze as his large, strong hands pressed into her shoulder and lower back and lifted her completely off of the floor to press her into his chest and neck. Warm tears rained down her spine in small rivulets and his mustache scratched at her collarbone as he spun her in dizzying circles. "Father, at least wait until she's dressed to celebrate," Kasumi chided from the doorway in a pastel green housedress and her usual fluffed apron. "It just isn't proper for you to hold her like that." Nabiki waited with an annoyed glance as he paused and looked down, before closing his eyes tightly, setting her back on her feet, and turning around. "Really, Daddy," she complained while quickly slipping on her undergarments, "and here I thought you were finally starting to get your emotions under control." "My apologies, daughter," he explained while walking back into the hallway and closing the door. "I heard you cry out and had to come and check on you." "Come on Dad, I haven't needed reassurance after a nightmare since I was three years old." Grimacing at her 'bed head' hair in the mirror, as she buttoned her school blouse, Nabiki asked through the divider, "Why did you let me sleep in, Sis? I'm really running late here!" "What?" Kasumi replied, sounding confused. "What could you be late for?" "Duh, Kasumi... it is a school day isn't it?" Nabiki answered tersely as she pulled on a pair of short white socks with a simple star and crescent moon printed design around the top. "How could you forget?" "School?" Kasumi began. "Well, it is a Monday, but..." Monday? She could have sworn it was a Friday... Nabiki grabbed her hairbrush as she opened the door, but her stride was broken when she found herself walking straight into her father's chest again. He looked down at her once to confirm her state of dress, and immediately resumed hugging her. "Dad, get over it already! It's almost eight, I've got to get to school," Nabiki complained, struggling ineffectually against the grip he had on her. "What? Nabiki, why are you wearing that uniform?" Soun asked, setting her back on her feet and taking a second look at her attire. "You'll be going to Kolkhoz High school until the damages have been repaired at Furinkan... don't you remember?" Something in her stomach turned cold and all Nabiki could think to reply with was a soft, "What?" "I suppose she was a bit out of sorts when we brought them all home, Father, and she has been asleep almost constantly ever since," Kasumi remarked. "There was some sort of accident at the school, Nabiki, though the authorities haven't told us exactly what happened. There was quite a lot of damage done to the building, though luckily no one was killed. You're lucky to have only received a few bruises." "Bruises?" Nabiki glanced down at her arms, noticing for the first time several yellowish splotches on her skin, fading traces of unremembered injury. "It wasn't a dream..." she whispered, numbly. "No, I'm afraid it wasn't," Kasumi answered. "What about everyone who was down on the floor fighting?" Nabiki asked without looking up, still tracing a finger around one of the larger outlines. "Oh, my poor baby!" Soun wailed following her question. "Akane has a broken collarbone," Kasumi translating for her now blubbering father. "She woke up yesterday. Master Happosai hasn't woken up at all yet, so they're watching him at the hospital. Oh, and that nice Ryoga boy is here too, though I haven't seen him lately, recovering from a concussion. His family couldn't be tracked down so we took him in again." "And Ranma?" Nabiki asked, trying not to remember her last vision of him, suspended directly above a crater. "Ranma?" Kasumi asked, her smile fading slightly. "Why would Ranma have been at Furinkan?" She looked away for a moment before commenting, apparently to herself, "Though this mysterious explosion makes more sense if he was there." "Wait a minute... How can you tell me Ranma might still be buried under tons of wreckage and not even seem to care?" Nabiki demanded. "I know you've been mad at him for something, but this really isn't like you, Sis." "I'm sure if he were still there the city engineers would have found him by now," Kasumi replied, ignoring the second sentence completely. "Besides, he isn't our problem anymore now that he's living elsewhere." "Assuming he is still alive!" Nabiki countered bitterly. "Kasumi, are you finished cleaning up from breakfast already?" Soun interjected, suddenly regaining his wits. "If so, you should be in your room; you are still grounded, remember." "...Yes Father," Kasumi replied with a sigh and meekly walked down the hall to her door. "Kasumi... grounded?" Nabiki wondered aloud, but quickly put the mystery out of mind, for the moment. "Well, we have to call someone immediately." "Call who about what?" Soun puzzled, wiping at his eyes. "Haven't you been paying attention, Dad?" Nabiki answered, clenching her hands in frustration. "We have to find Ranma!" Her father looked at her with one eyebrow raised and his head tilted slightly to the side for a moment, searching her face before reaching up to hold her shoulders. "Nabiki, calm yourself. You aught know by now that Ranma should be able to handle this better than practically anyone alive. Besides, if he was at the school they would have found him by now. It's been several days, after all." "You're probably right," She admitted, looking away from his eyes to hide the slight embarrassment she felt. "But he's still human, you know; he's not invincible. Besides, if he were okay wouldn't he have been back by now?" "I assumed he was with his mother," Soun replied, stroking his mustache. "I think he may have mentioned something about helping her move back into the house when he came by Friday afternoon. Yes, I'm sure of it, it was right before Kasumi began arguing with him." "Well then we should call and make sure," Nabiki stated, "and if he's not there, we start looking." "I suppose that would be acceptable," Soun conceded, "Just to be sure. I'm sure it's an unnecessary concern though." Nabiki walked down the stairs to the family room with purpose, passing the makeshift bedding on the couch and Ryoga's backpack as she continued on to the phone to dial the number quickly from memory. Instead of a ring, a tone and a synthesized voice announced, "The number you have dialed is no longer in service. If you have reached this message in error, please..." She hung up the phone and turned to her father questioningly. "That's Mrs. Saotome's number, right? 96-8386-2277?" "I believe so..." He replied. Dialing the number carefully, Nabiki held her breath and waited, hoping her previous attempt had been in error. "The number you have dialed..." --YYYYY-- "Ham and soba for table six!" Ukyo called out, trying to get her waitress' attention above the din of the restaurant. With classes cancelled at Furinkan and the transfers not beginning until next week at the earliest, business seemed to be absolutely booming. An entire school full of teenagers with nowhere to go for lunch was just fine by her though, especially as she had a debt to pay off. "Miss Ukyo, table nine would like another two shrimp, soy, and pepper okonomiyakis with extra sauce," Konatsu quickly stated as he took the recently finished item, disappearing without a trace or sound. "Konatsu could you... damn it." There were times when the cross-dressing ninja's stealthy ways truly annoyed her. Sure, it's kind of an interesting draw to the restaurant when your server delivers your order without any warning and not disturbing your conversation at all, but she would like to actually know where her employee was from time to time. She could definitely use a break about now, especially with her cracked ribs beginning to get rather sore with all the movement required to meet demand. "Suck it up, girl; the restaurant business isn't for the weak!" her father always used to say. She found her focus, took a single deep, painful breath, and began to pour batter on the grill for two more. Began, not completed, because in mid pour she was tackled from the side by a trash can. "Tsubasa," she sneered through clenched teeth, "If you don't get off of me right this second I'll have your head mounted on a spike above my dumpster out back." With terror-filled eyes (the only feature of her most annoying suitor visible at the moment), the trash can rolled off of her and began groveling. "Please Ukyo, you have to hide me! It was so horrible; flowers and winged horses and small animals and random nick-knacks and super-deformed plushy dolls and all of it, every last thing, hot pink!" "Sounds like your kind of place, Tsubasa," Ukyo replied. "No, you don't understand!" the trash can explained. "It wasn't just your standard cute; it was cute to the Nth degree, cute above and beyond the call of duty, obstinately cute, wall-to-wall horrifyingly cute..." The chef slapped the can hard, causing a reverberating noise not unlike the striking of a large gong. "Thanks, Ukyo, I needed that," the even more thoroughly dented waste receptacle admitted. "But can't you see what she's done to me, the mental torture I've suffered! Please, you have to hide me from the mistress!" "Tsubasa, there's no way I'm going to..." Ukyo started to say, but then felt another sharp, stabbing pain. Her statement quickly changed to "Can you cook?" "Yes, of course! I'm nowhere near as good as you of course, but I'm a fair chef in a pinch." The trash can, dented though it was, replied happily. "Okay, here's the deal: you get rid of the trash can, head upstairs for a very quick shower, and then come back down here dressed as me." Ukyo stated in a no-nonsense attitude. "If you agree to work the rest of the night in my place without pay I won't kick you out... and no more ranting, either." "Thank you, Ukyo!" Tsubasa exclaimed, leaping entirely out of the can to reveal a very frilly, very lacy, and very pink tuxedo. The pink blur disappeared from the grill area in record time, leaving behind a light trail of glitter on the floor. With a grunt she pulled herself back to her feet and went back to work, the promise of a break coming soon giving her the strength to press on just a bit longer. Work progressed at a constant but quick pace for several minutes until, at last, an almost exact duplicate of herself, missing a cute bow but sporting an odd pink chain necklace secured with a padlock, came out to relieve the overworked chef. As soon as possible Ukyo removed herself from the front room, nearly collapsing as the shutters closed behind her. She leaned heavily against the door frame with her eyes closed, too tired for the moment to climb the stairs toward a much-deserved hot bath. A head poked into the room at knee level with panicked eyes. "Ukyo, she's here! I'm sorry but I can't stay out here like this!" The chef offered a half-lidded stare of death, but the begging figure did not waver. "Tsubasa, you have NO idea how much you owe me for this," she stated coldly with closed lids, but did indeed rise to the occasion once again. Half- stumbling back into the grill area, she found that indeed the golden pair had returned. Or had they? While the shorter figure in an off-white and rose multi- layered dress did indeed appear to be the brown-haired terror Azusa, her partner appeared to have been replaced with a tall, short-haired, blonde, small- chested and all-around rather butch looking girl in tan slacks, a royal blue men's button-down shirt, and small clip-on pearl earrings. "Are you entirely sure this is where you lost your pet, Azusa?" The taller girl asked. "I don't remember you bringing any animals with you the last time we were here." "Yes, Azusa is sure. I didn't bring my pet here, I found it here." She replied with a giggle while staring intently at a small hand-held device. "Is there something I can get for you?" Konatsu asked, appearing suddenly in front of them in a red flower-patterned kimono. The tall blonde embraced the ninja suddenly with a beaming smile. "I had hoped to find you here again! I left a bit too quickly to get your name last time." All noise in the restaurant ceased immediately, save for one smaller teenage boy with large, thick glasses who squeaked out "Oh yeah, lezbo action!" The kimono-clad waitress seemed a bit shocked and uncomfortable with the situation. "I believe you've made a mistake; my name is Konatsu. Perhaps you're thinking of someone else?" "Don't you recognize me?" the taller girl asked, hurt. She cupped the waitress' face with both hands gently and looked her straight in the eye. "It's me, Mikado. Well, I suppose I do look a bit different than before." Konatsu stumbled backward quickly, shock evident on his face. "But you were a man! Don't tell me you went to China in the last few days..." "What? No, I assure you I haven't done anything permanent to myself, yet." Mikado's hands dropped to her waist limply. "Aren't you happy to see me, Konatsu?" "Well, I suppose I'm happy in a sort of abstract sense, but this," He gestured up and down with one hand, demurely, "I don't know what to say about this. How?" "I purchased a quantity of one-shot packets of magical powder from an extremely old Chinese woman." Mikado explained, stepping forward to lessen the gap. "I'm sorry I took so long to come back, but I've been slowly getting used to the change, trying it out. This is only my second time out in public as a woman." "Well, I guess I'm flattered in a way, but this is not at all what I expected from you," the ninja admitted. "I thought you would be pleased," the blonde stated softly. "I wanted to show you I was willing to adapt to make this relationship work." "What relationship?" Konatsu asked, somewhat bluntly. "You kissed me once. It was a nice kiss, certainly, but one kiss does not make a relationship. Going to such lengths without even asking me what I wanted... well, it's just a little presumptuous, don't you think?" The tall blonde wiped aside a single tear. "I'm sorry, but I just haven't ever done any of the usual dating sort of things before. I really don't have any idea what it is I'm supposed to do for you." "Well, for starters you should know that I'm only attracted to men. If you really want to see me again with any hope of a relationship, please come to see me as yourself... unless of course you feel more comfortable in this new role. Far be it from me to judge." "But, well, the natural way of things..." Mikado began to babble. "Mikado, When I was younger I was rather confused. My stepmother and sisters forced me to work in their tea house and to dress and act as a girl. Miss Ukyo has since freed me from such demands, but what you must understand is this: though I still prefer to act as a girl, I know exactly who and what I am, and that's a gay man." Konatsu admitted proudly. "I confess that I might be interested in experimenting a bit with your magical powder, but in the long term I doubt very much that I will actually change myself for you or anyone else." Mikado stood silently for a moment, looking down at the floor. At length, she replied, "If it's all right with you, I'd like to see you tomorrow night... as a man." "I'll still need your help tomorrow, Konatsu," Ukyo reminded them, although somewhat reluctantly. It's a hard line to keep between friend and boss sometimes. Azusa looked between the two and nodded, resolutely. "Good! You look cuter as man again anyway, Mikado." "I have to work, of course. If you're sure, I wouldn't mind spending some time with you after work tomorrow," Konatsu replied, seriously. "Bring along one of those packets, but I won't promise you anything." "Aha, I've got a signal on the tracking collar! My Rupaul is right behind the grill!" Azusa squealed, dashing across the room. A second Ukyo sprang up from the floor beside the real one, screamed with undisguised terror, and ran with the speed of a man possessed from the giggling girl, crossing the room by leaping from tabletop to tabletop on his way to the exit. "Azusa, stop!" Mikado shouted, the newly part-time girl chasing the smaller girl, who was in turn chasing the non-girl, out the door. "How many times have I told you that you can't just kidnap people?!" With the entertainment apparently now over, the patrons went back to their meals as if nothing had happened, some even complaining about the lack of originality the scene had expressed. Gender confusion, one discontent thought, though still amusing, was getting to be rather cliché in Nerima. --!!!!!-- The forest sang with the sounds of crickets and a gentle wind blowing through the ancient branches overhead. A few scant rays of golden-orange light still shown through the canopy off to the west, but soon, too soon, the light would fade into total darkness. It was fairly warm now, but the spring night would turn cold soon enough. Ignoring groaning muscles, exhausted from the activities of the day, the young camouflage-clad man added a few large logs to his campfire. The man's dinner, a huge chunk of albino koala meat, was nearly finished, and the combined smell of cooking meat and wood smoke was almost unbearably appetizing. As he reached to turn it above the fire he suddenly froze in place; a twig snapped somewhere behind him and to the right. Was it some interloper come to steal his meal? Or worse, one of the predatory denizens of these woods come to make a meal of him? In his currently exhausted state he was not quite sure he could deal with either. Silently promising to go a little easier on the physical side to his training the next day, he turned to face the threat. He was mentally prepared to find a pack of armed bandits or perhaps a ten- meter tall Tasmanian wolf, but the sight of a disheveled, petite redheaded girl walking tiredly toward him in black clothing was quite an unexpected occurrence. When he realized that he knew this approaching figure, however, he briefly considered that he might have preferred to face both of his previous thoughts at once. "Hey, um, mind if I share your fire?" She asked. "Yes, Saotome, I do mind," He replied, gruffly. "Who... oh, Kumon Ryu. I almost didn't recognize ya in this light without the headband," Ranma replied. "I lost it somewhere a few weeks ago." The young man brushed back his greasy, tangled hair with one hand as he went back to turning over his meal. After a moment of strained silence, he heaved a sigh. "Are you going to lurk behind me all night or sit down?" "Heh, thanks." Ranma grabbed a larger piece of wood from the fuel pile and took a seat on the other side of the blaze. "I wasn't sure if I was gonna have to make my own or not." Taking the meat off of the fire he stated, "Yeah, well don't be thinking I'm going to be too generous. If you want dinner you'll have to catch it yourself." Ranma began going through a few stretching motions for her legs, arching her back 'just so' as she reached toward her bare feet, displaying a modest amount of cleavage between the folds of her black tunic. Looking up from her exercises but maintaining the pose, she asked with a slightly pouty tone, "Is that any way to treat a lady, especially one who's been on the road for four days?" He couldn't hold back the chuckle. "Humph, you must be pretty damned hungry to try and seduce me Saotome." Ryu ripped off a chunk of the large meaty feast and tossed it to her. "But you sure as hell aren't a lady. You can catch breakfast, by the way." "Works every time," Ranma replied, then bit into the offered food ravenously. The two ate in silence, enjoying the rather gamy meat as if it were top sirloin and soaking up the welcoming heat of the flame. Eventually Ranma finished her smaller portion, and asked, "Hey, you got something I can heat up some water in? I'm getting a bit tired of being stuck in this girl body, ya know?" Ryu tossed a small skillet and his canteen from his pack to Ranma with a rather dismissive gesture. "Anything else you want from me, princess?" he sneered. "I'd advise packing up some basic gear before you run off into the wilderness again." "I wasn't exactly planning this little trip." Ranma replied, grumbling. "What are you doing here anyway? Trying to impersonate your way into a nest of flying squirrels?" "Humph. Did you face up to your mom yet," He asked, ignoring the question posed to him, "or are you still posing as somebody else too?" "Yeah, I did, I'm living with her now... and point taken." Ranma said, finishing with only mutters. She placed the skillet on the fire and began filling it with water. "Good, she was a real nice lady." He stirred the flame a bit with a stick. "If you must know, I'm working on developing a new art of my own to replace the one you had me seal away. I need to rebuild my family dojo with something, after all." "Any progress?" Ranma asked with interest. "Some. It's mostly just a mix of common hard style techniques, with a few added tweaks of my own, of course." He looked down into the fire for a moment, his eyes searching for something. With a sigh, he added, "I haven't been able to come up with anything to match the Kijin Raishü Dan, though. That was the only chi projection technique I knew, and it will take some time and a lot of study before I can make something new." Ranma replied with enthusiasm, "You could always just tweak it a little and call it something different. Maybe throw single waves with each punch to add a cutting action, or toss two at the same time on intercepting paths to catch opponents from both sides... stuff like that." Ryu stared hard at her in reply. "I swore I wouldn't use the technique any more and I don't plan to, even in a modified form. As long as you keep up your end of the bargain, I won't back down either. I may have lied in the past but when I swear an oath it means something." "Uh, yeah..." Ranma said, fidgeting, "I can see how that might be kinda questionable, I guess." He only grunted in assent. "Well, maybe I could help ya with it. I could use a decent sparring partner, and I just happen to be trying to master a new technique myself," Ranma suggested, but then looked away, her spirits deflated. "Heck, I almost forgot for a moment why I'm here." "And that would be..." Ryu prompted. Ranma hesitated. "Well, that move I'm working on... I sorta, well, lost control of it a few days ago. I'm here to claim a magical cure to put things right." "What, like some sort of senzu bean?" Ryu asked, smirking. "Whoever told you that such crap exists obviously was yanking your chain." "This isn't some sort of monkey-boy joke; it's a matter of life and death!" Ranma yelled, leaping to her feet. The night around her seemed to grow quite a bit darker suddenly. Ryu held his hands out defensively. "Hey, hold it man! I guess if this forest can have giant weird animals in it then anything's possible." "Yeah, well I hope so," Ranma stated soberly, setting back down again and relaxing her muscles. "I know it's out there, but I'm not entirely sure there's enough of it to go around, or if I'll even get back soon enough for it to matter." "Damn, sounds like you screwed up something fierce, Saotome," he commented with a slight huff. "Does possibly killing a gym full of other students qualify?" Ranma asked bitterly. "Never mind that I'm actually engaged to four of the people involved, almost family with a few more, and friends with several others..." Now it was Ryu's turn to hesitate. He replied carefully, boggled by the scale of the damage and the four engagements part of the statement, "Um... yeah, I guess that would just about cover it." "I wasn't exactly on the best of terms with them all at the time, either. I said a few things I didn't really mean, especially to one of my fiancées. Well, I don't think I meant them, anyway, did I?" Ranma admitted, apparently talking to herself now. A hint of steam caught Ryu's attention. "Hey princess, whenever you're through daydreaming about your true loves, your water's ready." "Stop calling me that already!" Ranma snapped, then took the water off the skillet, mixed it with a bit of cold water to cool it, and dumped it over her head. Ranma was not expecting the sudden sensation of pain to pass through his entire body in a wave as the change took place, however. He grit his teeth as the sensation swept quickly from head to toe, feeling for a moment like every muscle in his body was stretched a bit too far, one at a time and in rapid succession. "Damn, that curse must really suck." Ryu asked, tossing Ranma a small washcloth. "Does it hurt much?" Ranma stood up and walked a bit to work the sudden soreness out as he wiped the water off of his face and shoulders, puzzled to find his balance a bit off. "It usually doesn't." --&&&&&-- A strong smell pervaded the small room; the combined scents of old age and burning incense, clinging to every surface and pervading the enclosed space. It was dark save for two candles which cast their flickering brilliance into the shadows, reflected imperfectly in the rippling surface of water in an intricately carved bowl of fired clay. The muted sounds of the restaurant below were the only intrusion of the outside world upon the scene. The woman before her, once a symbol of wisdom defying age, now looked very old indeed. Her skin seemed pale and brittle, her long hair flat and glossless, and she seemed even smaller than usual. She hadn't moved in days except to breathe, and even that was a miniscule and uneasy movement at best. Her unconscious form lay dormant, completely dependent on the care of others; a seeming contradiction to the woman's philosophy of personal strength and responsibility. With quiet reverence Shampoo finished washing her great-grandmother, dropping the sponge into a large earthen bowl. After removing the necessary rubber gloves and tucking the small, helpless-looking old woman back into bed, she bent forward and gently kissed the comatose elder's forehead, offering a silent prayer for her return to health. "You are not welcome here, and Shampoo wants nothing to do with you!" With an annoyed sigh, Shampoo rose from her seat and left the room, closing the door silently, as if she thought she might accidentally disturb the slumber of its occupant, and straightened her lilac cheongsam as she descended the stairs. After depositing the washing bowl in the sink she made her way out to the dining area to find out what Mousse's newest reason for not working was. "I came to this establishment to inquire on the well being of my love, not to trade either words or blows with an ignorant commoner such as yourself. If you refuse to stand aside, however, I would be more than willing to dispatch you, cur," Tatewaki finished intoning as she came through the doorway, his hand resting confidently on the handle of his weapon where it was held securely against his light blue, geometrically patterned dogi. Mousse pushed his glasses up his nose with only his middle finger, being careful not to touch his bandaged cheek, and snarled in reply, "Dispatch me? Just try it, you..." "Mu Tsu!" Shampoo barked in her native dialect, cutting him off abruptly, "We still have customers, idiot! You should be serving them, not poking your nose into issues that do not concern you and causing a disturbance!" "But he started it, Xian Pu..." he whined, turning to offer her a pleading look. "You go and start on the dishes. I'll handle the remaining customers until they finish eating, and then lock up." She commanded, keeping her glaring eyes on him until he trudged off with his head held low. "Truly it is a sad fate that forces you to associate with the likes of him, my flower," Kuno declared, switching the conversation back to Japanese as he moved to embrace her. "Allow me to lighten the burden you erk..." "Shampoo busy at moment, airen," Shampoo explained in a tired voice as she removed the serving tray from his face. "We talk later time?" Regaining his composure despite the ramen noodles in his hair, the kendoist looked around before replying "Ah, you have my apologies for disturbing you. I had hoped to catch you less engaged. I merely wished to insure in person that you were suffering no further ill effects from the accident, as my calls have been unanswered." "Still have bruises and leg stiff, but fine. Amazon warrior not complain for such, but Shampoo appreciate airen ask," she admitted as she cleaned an unused table. "Is elder that Shampoo worry for. She no wake up since fight, look much older now. Caring for Great-Grandmother take time. Shampoo also must work hard to keep business open with only stupid Mousse to help." "Why do you toil so? With but a word I would be happy to pay for the elder's treatment and see to it that you need not work for your sustenance," Tatewaki asked, genuinely confused. "Why have you not contacted me sooner?" Shampoo bristled slightly at the question, but restrained her displeasure as she answered, "Amazons no need charity. Are strong and alone-standing." "I suppose I can understand your warrior's pride, but at least you must admit that your Great-Grandmother would be better off under the care of a professional healer, trained in the most modern techniques," Kuno reasoned, surprised by her response. Shampoo shook her head. "Elder no trust doctors, thinks they too arrogant and not be knowing anything of spirit, only body. Amazons use old ways to treat sickness and pains, ways that heal spirit too. This most important with Elder's condition; body fine, but spirit hurt much." "Very well, but at the least you must allow me to aid you in these mundane tasks," Tatewaki stated magnanimously as he took the serving tray covered in used dishes from her hands and made his way towards the kitchen. Shampoo prepared to complain but was called over to the corner booth by a customer seeking a refill for his green tea. Annoyed by his attitude and yet somehow pleased, she watched him walk off with the tray as she refilled the cup, letting her thoughts stray. "Well, this new airen of mine is almost as persistently annoying as Mu Tsu and possibly more arrogant than Ranma, but keeps himself in the middle ground between denying his feelings and acting on them inappropriately," she noted, neutrally. "...And not entirely hard to look at. Perhaps if things don't work out..." A crash from the kitchen cut off that thought before it could fully manifest, reversing the slight smile that had begun to come over her features. Excusing herself from the customer, she charged into the kitchen, freezing as a salvo of cooking knives stuck into the door inches from her face. Kuno dodged the projectiles, deflecting one with his bokken, but a blindingly quick sidekick from his opponent caught him off guard and sent him sprawling into the sink. Kicking out of the sink brought him back to his feet, but also managed to send a splash of water at Mousse, ending the fight rather abruptly and inconclusively. "Cowardly dog, face me!" Kuno cried, looking around wildly. He stopped his searching suddenly and looked down to find a duck pecking somewhat painfully at his ankle, having emerged from the empty grey silk robes of his foe and wearing both the glasses and bandage he had worn. "Umm... is this animal yours?" "Mousse! What Shampoo tell you about attacking airens?!" The Chinese girl demanded angrily as she kicked the surprised duck across the room into an open cage with blackened iron bars. "Idiot not bother you again or else Mousse get served to customer." Kuno leaned heavily against the counter and looked with obvious curiosity and confusion at the caged duck, which seemed to be protesting his fate quite energetically. After a moment of silence, he asked her, hesitantly, "Why did you call this irate waterfowl by the same moniker as the ignorant servant boy? Is this some sort of humor at his expense?" "Is his name. What else Shampoo should call him by, besides hard words?" she asked, seriously. Watching his puzzled look shift between her face, the pile of clothing, and the cage, she elaborated "Is curse. You know of curse, yes?" "A curse?" Tatewaki echoed, turning his slightly at an angle and scratching his chin in thought. "I do seem to recall the treacherous Tendo Nabiki charging me a grievous sum for word of some foolish rumor to that effect. Would you now purport to spread such irrational drivel, my sweet?" With tired eyes and a heavy sigh, Shampoo began filling a kettle. --OOOOO-- The rain outside was falling in sheets, providing a shifting, uncertain view of the back yard. The Koi pond was rippling wildly, but the fish were no doubt unconcerned by any impact smaller than a human. The grey haze, damp air, and nearly constant sound were a soothing influence on his troubled mind. It had rained on and off since Monday, the last time he had seen Ranma, and showed no sign of stopping today either. "Your move, Saotome," his companion cued. With barely half a glance he placed his black marker stone in the very first spot his hand reached. He could picture Ranma in his mind quite clearly, a small redhead drenched to the bone, carrying a pack nearly as big as her, trudging along the muddy lands of the wilderness with a flame in her eyes that no situation could ever dim. With a sigh full of failure and regret, the heavyset man began to wonder when he became able to picture his son as a girl without hesitation. "Your mind isn't on the game, old friend." He turned to regard his friend, his blood brother. How far the once proud young man he had known as Tendo Soun had fallen, replaced by this spineless, tired, and emotionally unstable husk. Still, there were times when an ember from the old fires of his temper would burn in his eyes or a glimpse of his former willfulness would appear that, much to the master's annoyance had so defined him in their younger days... a trait his youngest daughter seemed to share in abundance. Seeing a touch of the old Soun in his eyes now, he felt obligated to respond in more than just a gesture or grunt. "Quite so, Tendo. The rain... it's distracting me, I fear." "It reminds you of Ranma, I imagine," the taller man guessed. "You're worried for him?" "How can I not be?" Genma replied, slightly annoyed by the question. "Nearly grown or not, in some ways Ranma will always be my little boy. We didn't part on the best of terms, you know... I'd hate to think that the last time I ever saw my son alive he had only anger in his eyes." His image of Ranma shifted into a male form with hard eyes and prepared to strike him down, then faded away into the mists and rain falling outside. The balding man wiped his eyes (just a few stray raindrops, he told himself) as his friend's hand found his shoulder. "You've trained a strong, resourceful, and willful young man, Genma," Soun assured him in confident tones. "You've also raised a son who, though he doesn't often show it, obviously cares for you. I'm sure that he's fine and will return to you, to all of us soon." "Daddy's right, Mr. Saotome," Akane added as she sat down, putting P-chan in her lap. "Ranma is probably off either sulking over his loss to Kuno or trying to master a new technique. He'll turn up before the weekend, I bet." "Ah, you're probably right, Akane," he replied, beating his chest with a smirk. "Takes after his old man, you know; nothing keeps him down for long." Soun averted his gaze uncomfortably and coughed, "Uh... yes, so he does." "Um, anyway Mr. Saotome, I have a favor to ask you," Akane stated, a bit nervously, "Could you teach me some of the Saotome branch of Anything-goes? It might take your mind off of things, you know?" Soun looked back quickly, his eyes a bit wider than normal. "What was that you said, daughter?" "I don't mean any offense, Father," she quickly explained. Her face flushed as she looked down at her clenched hands. "I, um, just wanted to broaden my knowledge of the art, maybe make some progress on this 'join the school' idea of yours." Soun leapt to his feet excitedly and hugged her to his chest, but quickly released her when her grimace of pain (and her pet's sudden need to gnaw his foot) reminded him of her injury. "Akane, you make your father so very proud! I had nearly given up hope that you would ever progress to the next stage of your training!" "Next stage?" she asked, cradling her left shoulder with a puzzled expression. "But you said you were done training me almost three years ago, Dad. If there are more stages why did you let me just practice the same old forms and do general training for so long?" "I said I was finished teaching you, not that you were done learning, Akane," Soun corrected. "We practice the Anything-Goes school, and as such it is required of us to study as many different arts as possible to give us the edge in versatility. I've been patiently waiting for you to realize the true nature of the school and begin the steps toward mastery for a while now, Akane." "Indeed, old friend. Your idea of a dojo-friendly version of the art may just be possible after all." Genma admitted, but continued with a stony face, "But it will not be under my tutelage that it grows." "But, the schools..." Soun complained. "Why not? Just because I'm in no shape at the moment to practice forms or spar doesn't mean you can't at least demonstrate for me." Akane scowled as she added, "If this is more of your chauvinistic 'no girls allowed' attitude I'm going to be very upset." "No, it's nothing like that, Akane; in fact I think you're quite a fine martial artist despite your gender handicap." Akane began to smolder, so Genma pressed on, "And that's actually the problem. I can't teach you the Saotome branch because you already know too much." "Huh?" Akane replied. "Bwee?" P-chan echoed. "You mean to say that you actually put your old idea into practice in teaching Ranma, Saotome?" Soun asked, stunned. "Indeed I did, Tendo," Genma stated proudly with a dignified nod. "After the absolute basics I left him to it, and the results speak for themselves." Akane was still boggled. "I don't understand, Mr. Saotome; are you saying that Ranma was taught by someone else?" "In a matter of speaking, yes. If I remember correctly, his branch of the school worked by..." Soun began, but was cut off. "Ahem," Genma interrupted loudly. "As I was explaining about MY school, it can only be taught to someone who has never before been trained in any arts. I presented a series of challenges with ever-increasing difficulty until Ranma figured out a counter move. Often he ended up copying me, or recreating something from other schools, but every once in a while he ended up devising something completely new. Teaching in this way improves the tactical and perceptive talents of the brain, and forces the student to make the art his own. In a way, Ranma was his own sensei and I was just his main rival." Akane was still fired-up, but no longer angry. "But that's crazy! Ranma had to have had learned from somebody; only a master could invent a unique and useful technique, much less an entire martial art!" P-chan looked a bit doubtful, but she didn't notice. "Of course, and thanks to my teaching Ranma has been good enough to be called a master in his own right since he was twelve," the elder Saotome stated firmly. "But the fact remains that I can't teach you the Saotome branch without blanking out your memories like that Shampoo girl did, and even then it would take years before you even began to reach your current level." "Well then who can I get to teach me? I was hoping to at least find someone that can give Ranma a good workout," she answered, grumpily. "Ranma won't help me, no matter how nicely I ask him. All he does is dodge my attacks and make fun of me. Genma looked away with a 'humph'. "Doesn't this spoiled girl realize that Ranma has been trying to train her, unsuccessfully, since we first arrived?" he wondered silently. "It isn't the boy's fault if she's too coddled by her father's teaching methods to recognize motivational teasing; he is just using the techniques he's been shown. Even after hearing the truth of Soun's plan, it seems that she still wants everything to be handed to her on a silver tray." "Daughter, if I might make a suggestion?" Soun asked, eying the pet in her lap while awaiting her nod. "Their last confrontation aside, the Hibiki boy has proven to be quite a formidable opponent for Ranma, even beating him once or twice. You could prevail on him for assistance so long as he stays here. Besides, he did help you once before, did he not?" Akane's eyes brightened and she smiled widely. "Of course, I'll ask Ryoga! He can teach me how to throw those chi attacks and stuff too! C'mon, p- chan, let's go find him!" She jumped up and ran out of the room excitedly. "Bweeeee!" the pig squealed as she dashed off with it, though no one present could determine whether it was a sound of agreement or panic. "At least wait until tomorrow to bother the lad, Akane!" her father yelled after her. "It's too late to worry about tonight, and he needs his rest as much as you do!" "Akane with a chi attack?" Genma wondered aloud. "Tendo, old friend, I think perhaps that you have more to worry about now than I do." To emphasize the point he tapped on a section of the wall that still showed signs of recent repair after one of her Ranma-induced temper tantrums. The patching board fell loose from the wall and clattered to the floor just as a stray gust of wind blew through the open sliding doors and extinguished a candle resting on Mrs. Tendo's impromptu shrine. With a gulp and a shared glance, the two men decided to call it a night. --:::::-- Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep... The room was dark and quiet at this early morning hour, save for the soft glow of the machines, the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor, and his slow breathing. How frail and weak he looked, how vulnerable; this is exactly how he should be remembered, and the only kind of fate he truly deserved. "Where is your great skill now, Happosai?" the nearly silent intruder taunted. "Where is the terror of men and women, the master of the fighting arts, the thief of a thousand relics? All that remains is a pathetic shell living on borrowed time." He did not move despite the comments, even when the figure grasped his throat roughly at the end of the speech. With inhuman vision the attacker scanned the inert form, and noted the inadequacy of his chi flows to his dying organs. It simply would not due for this irreprehensible scum to leave the world peacefully in his dreamless sleep and unaware of his victor's triumph. As a slight trickle of energy was forced into his body, the old man's eyes opened widely and he gasped for breath. "What the... No..." "Oh yes, Happosai," the figure replied, cutting off his speech with a vicious squeeze to the throat and smiling cruelly as it whispered, "It seems your time is up. Your feeble ward has been broken, just as you will soon be broken." Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep... "Not...possible" he croaked as he struggled uselessly against the iron grip with his withered limbs. "How?" "Your student, your 'pet project', has begun to achieve the destiny you longed to steal," His attacker answered. "How poetic, that your greatest goal should be your undoing, that his growing power is what released me from your ancient snare." "Not...free...yet..." he spat through blue lips, his eyes boiling with hatred. "Still...human." "We shall see, Happosai... No, not we, I." the intruder corrected. "You may have twisted the intent of my geas upon you to live this long, but what, I wonder, would happen if I were to forgive you?" Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep... Happosai's eyes widened in absolute fearful awe as the figure leaned down, holding his head in place as it gently pressed its thin, delicate lips to his ancient leathery ones. Happosai's battle aura, weakened as it was, flared with red and golden- yellow light as he flexed every muscle in defiance, but he could not maintain the defense. As the aura began to deteriorate, one wispy smoke-like piece at a time, the ancient master drew it back into himself, infusing his body with its brilliant light. Again, the maneuver failed as the light of his soul was pulled forcefully from him through his pressed lips. His struggles lessened and finally stopped against the slow, lingering inhalation, ending just as the light and his last fleeting breath were stolen. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... The thin hand released his neck and reached out to close the dead man's empty, glassy eyes with care. With silent steps the murderer returned to the hallway before any witnesses could arrive. --@>+++-- "So, how do you like it?" Kodachi asked, expectantly. She leaned forward on the table with an almost giddy excitement as her soft, burgundy cotton robe struggled to remain closed. His eyes widened a bit at the almost indecent display, and his hand came up to pantomime a yawn as cover. In an almost laughably serious voice he commented, "Your cooking is indeed quite, um, ex-quis-ite. This tea is quite good, as well. Where did you say it came from, again?" "The store, I imagine," she replied, rolling her eyes. "You don't have to act all stuffy around me, darling. I like my men just the way you are... a little rough around the edges. I get more than my fill of pretentious men just from having my brother around." "Well, if you say so," he trailed off, uncertainly. "There's another thing, though; you haven't even asked me my name. Not that it's that big a deal, but still..." "Sister!" Conversation stalled as the previously mentioned brother threw open the doors to the living room, yelling frantically. "I have urgent news, troubling information of which you must become aware!" "Tatewaki, do calm yourself. You might have noticed that I have a guest," she hinted, looking him up and down. "Besides, you look positively dreadful. Did you sleep in your clothes? Did you sleep at all?" "Nay, my peerless intellect has been far too engaged with pondering the implications of this information to be lulled into Morpheus' false realm," he stated dramatically. "Grave news indeed, sister; I have witnessed evidence that insures the reality of magic in this world!" "Oh, that's nice," she replied, sipping her tea. "Peerless intellect?" the man repeated with a skeptical look. "I do not jest! On previous eve, before my very eyes a man was transfigured into the lowly form of a waterfowl!" he cried, with raised arms and crazed eyes. "I questioned highly that such an affront to the natural order was possible, but my foreign love explained and demonstrated this feat, and its reverse, several times with the assistance of an unconscious servant boy." "Feh, so you met duck-boy," the stranger interrupted. "Duck-boy?" Kodachi asked. "Works over at the Chinese joint downtown. Half blind, always wears robes..." the guest replied. With a nod, she answered, "Ah, yes, I believe I have made his acquaintance. A duck, you say?" "Ahem," the kendoist, intoned loudly. "I wasn't finished yet." Kodachi stared at him with a baleful, half-lidded gaze, but said nothing. Tatewaki ignored her look, continuing, "Yes, the lowly miscreant is indeed cursed to occasionally wear the body of a common waterfowl, a form befitting his annoying personality and social standing. Alas, that such ill-fortune were but confined to only his personage! My precious new love, so strong and worthy of respect, is likewise cursed with the body of a small cat, unusual in coloring though it is." "So the little Amazon has a curse too... big deal," the robed boy commented offhandedly. "You shouldn't hold it against her. A guy like you should be overjoyed to get a 'little pussy' now and then." "You would think me so cold-hearted as to blame a sufferer for their affliction?" Kuno demanded, angrily. "No, sir, as soon as I insured that it could be cured with but an application of hot water, though she did protest my impatient testing of the condition due to her lack of clothing, I had already turned my mind to consoling her. It is not the particulars that trouble me, but rather the spreading of the condition: Just this morn, on my journey back to this domicile, did I witness quite by accident a grown man of native dissent transfigured into a panda! What if such a terrifying ailment is contagious?" Her guest laughed now, a deep, scornful sound. "Contagious? Feh, hardly. Fem-boy and his dad picked up the curse the same place the Amazons did; Jusenkyo, a set of magical springs deep in the mountains of China, near my home." Tatewaki stood back from the table and stared at the man before him, pausing a moment before declaring, "Your knowledge in this affair is suspicious, sir!" With sudden speed the kendo master thrust his hand into his wrinkled dogi, and then revealed a small plastic squirt gun. "Your deceptions end now!" "Brother, wait!" she cried to no avail as the water traveled unabated to its target. Immediately the matching burgundy robe the guest wore was destroyed, stretched beyond its limits in all directions at once as the somewhat tall but slender figure blossomed into a monstrous, hulking frame that had to duck to avoid damaging the ceiling. The beast glared at him, bringing its menacing pincers toward him as it advanced. "Stop it, both of you!" Kodachi demanded, quickly stepping between the two. "Honestly brother, have you no manners at all?" Tatewaki paused, glancing from the writing tentacles of the beast before him to his sister, whom he now realized to be nude beneath her robe, revealed due to an accident of her sudden movement. He blinked twice, searched her face with a puzzled expression, and asked, hesitantly, "Sister, tell me you didn't..." With an exasperated growl she tossed the remainder of her tea on the beast, returning it to the shape of a naked man. "Your clothes should be dry by now, dear. If you don't mind, I need a moment to talk with my rude sibling." "Uh, sure, no problem..." Taro replied, scuttling off with sideways steps as he tried to cover his nakedness. "Sister, you debased yourself with that...thing?!" Tatewaki demanded, pointing an angry finger toward the now closed door to the hallway. She scowled and crossed her arms, but did not bother to retie her belt. "The details of my private life are not your concern, brother, though if you really wish to discuss the matter I will be forced to mention the time I caught you in the furo with the inflatable doll and your little dog, Armadillo..." "No!" he shouted frantically, waving his arms and looking around for other witnesses. "We agreed never to speak of it again!" She said nothing, but raised one eyebrow. With a defeated sigh, he nodded. "You... are correct sister. It is not my place to judge you." "Especially considering your new love is afflicted in like manner," she commented. "But I never intended to..." Tatewaki repressed a shudder. "Never mind that. I am confused though, Sister. Did you not intend to save yourself, against all reason, for the villainous Saotome?" "Really Brother, how often does a girl come across a tentacle beast hung like a bull?" she remarked sarcastically, then sighed happily. "And I haven't even had to drug this one yet." "Um, I was wondering about that, actually." Taro asked, returning to the room dressed in his familiar gold and green-scaled vestments. "Why do you have so many pictures of fem-boy, anyway? You aren't part of his harem, are you?" The elder Kuno nodded. "Yes, stranger, it is so. For reasons only she knows, my sister is indeed convinced that Saotome is a worthy mate, and pursues him with all deviousness. I have given her my permission to date him as an attempt to remove him from my own goals, but she now insists that they be married." "You want to get married to that jerk?" Taro asked, surprised. "I didn't know your tastes ran that way too, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised." Kodachi shut her robe and turned to face him, offended by his comment. "Why wouldn't I? He is a paragon of manliness; strong, brave, handsome..." "...and cursed." Taro countered. "One splash and your 'paragon of manliness' is a slutty little redhead with a pigtail, about as far from manly as possible even with surgery." "The pigtailed girl?" Tatewaki whispered. "That harridan?" Kodachi sneered. "You wish me to believe that my fiancé is also my most hated foe?" "Hey, don't take my word for it, lady; if you don't believe me, check for yourself. In the meantime, though it has been fun, I'll be going. Pan..." he caught himself, and coughed before continuing. "AWESOME Taro plays second fiddle to no-one. Once you realize that Fem-boy can't match me we can... talk... again." With a wink, he turned and walked out. "Brother?" Kodachi turned to find him on his way as well. "Should we not attempt to disprove this lie?" she asked, hopefully. "I... it's too much to consider for now, Kodachi. I intend to sleep on the matter, for I have another engagement this afternoon, and other questions that must be answered." He replied, tiredly. "When next we see Ranma or the pigtailed girl, we shall put this Awesome Taro's words to the test. Until then, do nothing rash and listen not to the rumors of other fools." As he left, Kodachi sank to her knees. Comments overheard, denials voiced, and coincidences unexplained flooded her mind with overwhelming force. Through it all, vivid as if it were happening now, was the memory of a kettle, and steam, and the brief glimpse of a male silhouette. Curling in on herself and hugging her knees to her chest, Kodachi began softly to weep. Author's notes: Yes, it has been quite a long time since I updated this fic. What can I say but that some times real life can be a bitch? Many of you may have thought the fic was dead, fallen into forgotten realms like so many other stories. For those few readers that actually sent me private messages to inquire on its status, I thank you for your continued interest. On a completely unrelated note, I can only hope that nobody is actually enough of a –dumbass- to call Nodoka's phone number... Yes, there is still humor in the series, despite my little rant at the end of 2-4. It isn't going to abandon you any time soon (this would get WAY too dark if I did that), but you should still keep in mind that what you see as funny, the characters involved almost every time see as a serious and possibly even harmful situation. Keep your guilty pleasures, but never forget that they do come at a price to someone... Grookill suggested (perhaps as a joke) an omake of the 'Kuno in the furo' scene mentioned by Kodachi, but I'm not touching that one. Any deviant authors out there may elaborate upon that scene (or any others) with my blessing, so long as they give proper credit to me... and send me a copy! Nemesis_Zero, AKA Brian #2 Reviews welcomed, appreciated, and sometimes even answered! Wow!