Into Every Life, a Little Rain Must Fall A Ranma 1/2 (manga) fanfic by Nemesis_Zero Act 2: Friction in the Machine Part 2 "Insider" Pre-readers: Freak247 Thermopyle TonyLoco "Outsider" Pre-readers: Bjorn Buuchan Corwin Dracos Goddess Esteria Grookill Merc for Hire Pkjam Ray DeVore --$$$$$-- The noonday sun shone brightly, cheerful and warm on her skin as she unwrapped her bento. She looked up at the sky idly, following a small bird with her eyes as it chirped merrily off into the nearly cloudless cerulean sky. A slight breeze shook her hair softly against her neck, tickling a bit as it passed. She closed her eyes as she lifted the first delicious slice of sweet- pickle from the tray to her mouth, savoring the taste and tangy scent of the morsel. As she swallowed, she listened absently to the sounds of light conversation and laughter from her fellow students. All in all, it was a good contender for the title of perfect day. It had started off as a fairly normal day, as in normal for people who don't live in Nerima. After yesterday's stunning defeat, Genma wisely chose to let Ranma 'rest up' this morning without the usual spar. Akane had ended up staying the night at Sayuri's house, so the table survived the meal intact and there was no after-breakfast chase. The food was good, the conversation very light, and apparently everyone got to school on time, without even the intervention of a random Amazon attack. Her morning classes were fairly inconsequential, with the exception of her getting a perfect score on a calculus quiz. This is why Nabiki was nervous. She could feel something bad coming, like a knot in the pit of her stomach, and experience had shown that the longer it takes for the bad thing to happen, the worse it tends to be. Deep down she just hoped that whatever happened would be at least a little profitable, and wouldn't involve her. "Nice day, isn't it boss?" asked a rather cheerful Setsuko, interrupting her thoughts. Nabiki opened her eyes to regard her brown haired assistant, and her boyfriend, Hasumato Eiji, a rather lanky classmate of Nabiki's with glasses and short, spiky hair dyed blue at the tips. He wore the standard Furinkan uniform, but with the added touch of leaving his jacket undone and the sleeve rolled up to the peaks of his biceps. Both smiled pleasantly as they sat down across the table, Setsuko leaning into Eiji's shoulder as he slung an arm around her shoulders casually, comfortably. "Yeah, I guess," she replied, noticing their matching gold charm necklaces. "What's with the grumpy face, then? Come on, Nabiki, lighten up a little," Eiji suggested. "You gotta take advantage of days like this when you get the chance. I've got half a mind to just leave and spend the afternoon in the park." Setsuko elbowed his side lightly, and opened her own bento. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just, well..." Nabiki looked around casually before continuing, "It's too nice a day. Maybe I've just gotten used to the chaos around here, but I just can't help expecting to see something insane happen any second now." "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure Ranma will find something or someone to break today. Just give it time, boss," added Setsuko. "I wasn't referring to Ranma, actually. It's not like the craziness around here is all his fault," Nabiki replied between bites before changing the subject. "How is the 'Kuno-chan come home' pool coming along?" Setsuko straightened up a bit, to Eiji's disappointment, as she gave her report. "Well, you said it might take a day or two for Kuno to figure out that he's chasing himself across Japan, so I broke up today and the next two school days into half-hour slots. I sold the time slots at 200 yen a piece, by random draw. I sold almost all of them already, so regardless of when he comes back we can expect a 5800 yen gross profit." "Good, that will work out nicely," Nabiki replied before taking a mouthful of rice. "Any new gossip to report?" "Nothing of interest, really. Sato Toji broke up with Seino Hitomi over some girl from Kolkhoz high. People are still talking about Ranma's apparent purity, of course. Oh, and Ranma also managed to sleep through all the morning classes without being sent out to the hall. Apparently Miss Hinako is a little scared of him after what happened yesterday," Setsuko finished her report, taking a bite of her soba noodles and leaning back into Eiji's shoulder. He smiled slightly as he returned his arm to its former perch, and squeezed her shoulder warmly. "They just have to flaunt it, don't they?" Nabiki thought with bitter humor. "It should be illegal to act so obviously in love in the presence of single people, punishable by a fine at least." "Hmm. So what about... hey, what's Gosunkugi doing over there in that bush?" The others turned around to see Nabiki's point of interest. Across the yard and next to the drinking fountains, Hikaru was kneeling amongst several bushes that backed a wide stone bench. He was cloaked from head to toe in black, and in place of his usual candles, he had tied two small leafy branches to his head and another pair to his back so that they presented a rather cohesive bush disguise. It would have been, at least, if not for the fact that he could clearly be seen from behind by anyone who actually bothered to look in his direction. Akane, walking toward the bench with her friends, was apparently not so inclined. "Well this looks interesting. Want me to go ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing, boss, or just watch and see?" asked Setsuko. "Nah, I think I'll handle this one personally. I'm still a little annoyed that he tried to bargain with me yesterday," Nabiki stood up, finishing off her lunch. "Coming along, you two?" she asked over her shoulder. "Got nothing better to do," replied Eiji, looking to Setsuko for a nod. As they approached, Gosunkugi's behavior seemed even more abnormal. He was shaking slightly, apparently out of a combination of nervousness and (if the goofy smile on his face was any indication) repressed maniacal chuckling. In one hand, he held a liquid concoction of some sort, bubbling and bright red, and in the other, a pair of tweezers. Akane sat on the bench next to Yuka, chatting absently as Hikaru slowly reached up from behind her with the tweezers, inch by inch. --#####-- "I know, they were such a good couple! That Toji is such a jerk!" replied Sayuri as she took her seat. "Well, I just hope Hitomi is ok. I'd be crushed if my boyfriend dumped me for some American exchange student," added Yuka before quickly retracting the statement. "Oh, I'm sorry Akane! That was insensitive of me." "We haven't broken up. Not yet, at least..." replied Akane before taking on a teasing tone, "Besides, you'd have to have a boyfriend first, Yuka." "Well, there's always Hiroshi. If shown even the slightest hint of attention he'd be begging to take me out," Yuka replied offhandedly. "Yeah, but do you really want to be alone with that pervert? Besides, he's almost inseparable from Daisuke. If you go out with either of them it might as well become a threesome," Sayuri paused, smiling mischievously. "...Then again, it could be a lot of fun." "You little pervert!" responded Akane, laughing. Soon all three were well into a full out giggling frenzy, the likes of which only a group of teenaged girls can create. I know she only said that to cheer me up, but I appreciate it. "Hey Gosunkugi, what's up?" The giggling came to a grinding halt as all three turned quickly around, finding Hikaru just inches behind them, with Nabiki grinning wildly just behind him. Gosunkugi jumped at the attention and attempted to flee. He only succeeded, however, in turning too quickly on his heels and falling into the dirt, but not before accidentally splashing the contents of the vial across Nabiki's chest. Akane looked beyond her sister, noticing the presence of others and that both Eiji and Setsuko had odd, but easily readable, expressions of lust across their features, but neither was looking at the other. Gosunkugi took a quick look around, then leapt to his feet and took of at full speed, leaving a trail of falling leaves as he ran around the corner of the school. "Hikaru, you'd better hope this crap doesn't stain or I'll be charging you for a new uniform." Nabiki muttered as she wiped at her blouse. "What is this stuff, anyway? It's all sticky, and smells like roses or... Oh, this had better not be the stuff you needed the money for!" Suddenly, Akane found herself wondering why her sister was still single. "She's very smart, a good dancer, loyal to the family, has a good sense of humor, and is so flirtatious. Why, if only I had Nabiki's looks I would have landed Ranma for sure by now, other fiancées' or not. Those long legs, narrow waist, delicately feminine wrists, smoothly rounded shoulders, sexy hair and neck, deliciously firm and perky breasts..." "To hell with Hiroshi." whispered Yuka breathlessly. "Maybe a foursome?" offered Sayuri. Akane looked over at her friends, finding them both staring at her sister. They both had that certain 'dreamy' glaze to their eyes and their mouths slightly parted as they looked her sister over from head to toe. She felt a sudden flash of heat and wondered absently just what was the source of the delightful smell that lingered in the wind. "Boss?" asked Setsuko timidly. "Yeah, what?" replied Nabiki, whose eyes roved franticly around the shrinking circle of girls as if she thought them ready to pounce. "Are you free tonight? Want to see a movie with me, my treat? You can pick, I don't care what we watch as long as you're there." "Uh, no thanks, Setsuko... I'm, uh, busy. Reeealllly busy." Nabiki's breathing was becoming quicker as slowly backed away, still not taking her eyes off of the assembled predators. "Setsuko, what are you talking about? I thought we were going to have dinner with my family tonight?" asked Eiji with a sly grin. "I guess we could skip it, but only if I don't get left out." "Oh, to hell with this..." muttered Yuka, clearing her throat. With her left hand lightly on her breast above her heart and the other posed dramatically skyward, she shouted, "Tendo Nabiki, I would date with thee!" Nabiki broke and ran, shouting, "Hikaru, when I find you you're dead!" Setsuko, Yuka, and Sayuri immediately dropped everything and began pursuit in earnest. Akane stood in silence for a moment, watching the chase as it continued across the yard and rounding the corner. "I don't get it, they act almost as if Nabiki were Ranma or something... What am I doing? She's getting away!" Akane's monologue ended abruptly as she launched herself into the chase, shouting wildly, "Hey, Nabiki, wait! We're sisters! We're supposed to love each other!" --/////-- Somewhere on the outskirts of Nerima, in a thickly wooded area atop a gently rolling hill, Kuno Tatewaki stood, posed dramatically with one foot on a tree stump. The quest had been long and hard, and he always found himself just to be a step behind his quarry, never seeming to gain any ground. Everyone he encountered seemed shocked, rendered incapable of a clear response, no doubt by the fierce nature of his hated foe. At dawn, he had wandered into this clearing and taken a moment to rest as he watched the violet night sky melt away into a glorious orange morning. It was an omen, he realized, that he had found the appropriate location for the encounter, where he would surely defeat the fiendish abuser of the pigtailed girl just as the sun conquered the night so completely. For hours he had maintained this pose, his eyes focused on the Eastern horizon, until, at last, he sensed the approach of another. "Knave, show yourself! Do you fear my wrath even more than the shame of cowardice?" Kuno demanded, ignoring the tattered condition of his clothing. "I must return later," he promised himself, "when time is available for my leisure, and destroy that accursed thorn bramble. A thousand curses upon that wretched plant!" "What's your problem?" came a response from close behind his personage. With speed that rivaled even the great Musashi, in full accordance with the ultimate principle of the fifth ring, no-mind, he turned and struck a legendary blow with his finely crafted weapon. It was a bokken of finest iron-oak, richly lacquered, with the engraved and gold foil pressed emblem of the house of Kuno upon the base of the grip. Truly, such a perfected weapon designed only for practice could never have existed anywhere else in the world. When it impacted the skull of Hibiki Ryoga, the finest bokken ever crafted by man became a shattered stump of twisted wood chips. Rubbing the point of impact with one hand, Ryoga stated, "You know, if I were in a worse mood you'd be in some serious trouble right now, Kuno." "Ah, I apologize for my indiscretion, mighty warrior. I am seeking a vile miscreant; a falsifier and violator of women, one who has dared to inflict harm upon one of my lady loves. But fear not, for I shall find and punish this foe, with the aid of the undaunted heavens, or I am not Kuno Tatewaki, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, age nineteen!" Kuno struck his usual triumphant pose, somewhat lessened in visual impressiveness due to the rather useless lump of wood in his grasp. "Hey, you're from Furinkan High, right?" the lost boy inquired. "Yes, of course! I am its finest warrior, captain of the kendo and debate teams, and the most dashing man about campus. Surely the tales of my prowess and charm have reached even the most remote and barren corners of out land, where one such as yourself might have had opportunity to ponder my achievements. Are you then a wondering student, traveled far in search of my tutelage?" Ryoga cleared his throat, then attempted to steer the conversation somewhere less pointless. "Yeah, great, whatever. Now, about Furinkan..." "Ah, the finest secondary educational establishment in all of the blessed isle, to be sure, even discounting the unfortunate personage of its principal. It is assuredly so, for nowhere else would a noble spirit such as myself permit himself to the rigors of public education." "Uh, that's nice. Look do you know where it is?" Ryoga seemed somewhat annoyed. "But of course! This is but one of the many facts which I have committed to memory." replied Kuno with head held high. "Which way is it?" asked Ryoga, "I need to find Saotome Ranma, to prove once and for all that I'm better than he is." "Nay, sir, that shall not come to pass. I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, shall be the first to bring low that sorcerous blight upon my fair city. For two years have I strived to best him in daily combat, only to be deprived of victory again and again by his black rites!" "Tell you what; you get me to him and I'll let you try him first," Ryoga offered with a strange grin. "Aye, that arrangement would be acceptable," Kuno replied shrewedly, keenly aware that defeating the foul one was of greater importance than the petty detail of who landed the final blow. Not that he would fail when next they met, of course... "So, which way is the school?" "Why, without a doubt it lies directly to the, um..." Kuno looked about for a moment, then sat upon the tree stump and puzzled. "You're lost, aren't you?" asked Ryoga tiredly. Kuno leapt to his feet, producing yet another bokken, and pointed back the way he had come. "Ah ha! It is decidedly that way! Yes, my peerless mind has solved even this demon-sent riddle with ease. Mwa ha ha ha ha!" "Great, lead on," Ryoga suggested. "Who is it that you were looking for again?" "He was described to me as a man of tall body and fluffed, black hair, wearing the traditional garb of a samurai, blue and black in coloration. It was also mentioned that he was somewhat... slow of mind. Do not attempt to fight by yourself, friend, I implore you. Surely someone with skill enough to fell my beloved pigtailed goddess could only be matched in mortal combat by me," explained Kuno. Ryoga stared at him for a moment, looking him over thoroughly. "This pigtailed goddess of yours... is she the one that told you to look for this guy?" "Yes, undoubtedly it is so! The fiend had the gall to attack a woman, and so I shall avenge her suffering!" Tatewaki proclaimed. "Why do you ask?" Ryoga covered his mouth (obviously as a sign of deference, despite the faint laughter-like sound), before continuing. "Hate to break it to you, but that was Ranma. He's the reason that you're out here looking for yourself, pal. Here, take a look." Ryoga fished in his pack for a moment, then produced a mirror. Kuno looked into the small frame of glass for a moment in silence, comparing the description of his foe to himself, finding a match in all ways, except of course the feeble-mindedness. "Ah, I should have realized it earlier! The crafty demon has enchanted my fair pigtailed goddess into believing that I myself am the one who inflicted upon her these grievous wounds! Egad! He has succeeded in separating me from her side, leaving her utterly vulnerable to his assault! Quickly, friend, we must make haste!" He dashed off into the woods, paying no attention to the thorns he charged through as they scratched at his skin. Ryoga, with no better plan, simply shrugged and followed him, completely untroubled by the bushes, but taking care to at least avoid the poison oak. --%%%%%-- "Damn I can't believe the news about Toji," commented Hiroshi as he sat down against a tree in the corner of the yard. "Yeah, that lucky dog! He just jumps from one total babe to the next without batting an eye!" replied Daisuke, digging into his lunch with fervor. Ranma sat on a branch a few feet above them, relaxing after already finishing his lunch in typical Saotome fashion. "What are you guys talking about?" he asked tiredly with one eye open. "Oh, I'll let you know when you're a little older, Ranma," teased Hiroshi, earning a slight growl. "You don't know? Oh yeah, you were gone. Sato Toji broke up with Seino Hitomi, and now he is going out with an exchange student named Sara from another school. She's an American, and you know what they say about American girls!" answered Daisuke excitedly. "Who?" asked Ranma again, confused. "Don't even bother, Dai," interrupted Hiroshi, "You know Ranma has absolutely no social life. Heck, he doesn't even recognize the names of our class president and class representative." "I don't have time to worry about people who aren't out to either kill or marry me. My schedule is pretty full," answered Ranma, dejectedly. "Oh, poor Ranma. I'm the toughest man in Tokyo and I'm chased night and day by beautiful women. Whatever shall I do?" joked Daisuke, bringing his hands to his face in mock distress. "I know who I would do... but honestly, man, you can't deny you get all the perks, despite all the downsides to being you. I mean, Hinako was too afraid to wake you up all morning!" "Yeah, how did you do that yesterday, anyway? Some new technique you picked up last week? Heh, it's probably got some goofy name like 'imperial rotisserie chicken stance' or something, knowing you," inquired Hiroshi. "Nah, it's gotta be something cooler, like 'vampire hell blaze', right?" chimed in Daisuke. "Or maybe the infamous 'virginal frustration' defense." Ranma swung down to face them, hanging from the branch by his knees. "Lay off, okay! So I'm a, well, you know... so what? If I did follow through with one of my fiancées I'd be either married, dead, or dragged off to China before the sun rose the next morning. Possibly all three." Daisuke flinched, but Hiroshi remained calm and replied, "Alright, we'll lay of if you tell us about the new technique, won't we, Dai?" Daisuke nodded, quickly finding a blank page in his ever-growing record of 'Ranma-isms', as he called them, supposedly reference material for some project he was working on. "Honestly? I don't know what the hell I did. It was just an accident, not some new technique. At least, not yet. Feh, for all I know it could only work as a counter to her Happo go-en Satsu, and be useless otherwise. I tried to do it again this morning on the way to class, just practicing on some stray dogs, but nothing happened. Just wasn't angry enough, I guess." He shrugged, which looked rather odd upside down. "Oh well. Hey, the important thing is that she thinks you can do it..." said Hiroshi. "Yeah! As long as she doesn't learn otherwise, she won't be draining anyone! Excellent!" interrupted Daisuke. He and Hiroshi exchanged high fives while Ranma only sighed and swung back up to his branch. "Geez, What's with you, man? We just got a free pass to do whatever we want in class and you're just moping around," complained Hiroshi. "It's nothing, really. I just got a bad feeling is all. This day has been way too quiet, so something's bound to happen sooner or later," he answered. "And, of course, whatever it is this time is gonna come screaming to me, as always." "Ranma!" came a distant female scream. "Heh. Well, there's your cue, pal," commented Daisuke, going back to his lunch. "Female, too. Hey, if you're lucky, maybe you'll finally get lucky!" With a frustrated sigh, he dismounted the tree, landing on his good foot and immediately bounded off toward the scream with his crutch under his arm. Just once, couldn't it be someone else's problem? He quickly found the source of the disturbance, but was quite surprised to find Nabiki running toward him, followed by a stampede of pursuers that rivaled even Happosai's record. "What the heck did you do now?" he asked, bouncing alongside her. "Nothing! Just (huff) get me out of here before (huff) my legs give out!" she panted, looking back over her shoulder at her pursuers. "Alright, hold on," he commanded, wrapping an arm around her waist. With a grunt, he leapt towards the top of the school's roof, obviously going to fall short. Crap, one leg and two people don't make for good jumping! He quickly lashed out with the crutch toward a window ledge, just barely catching enough of it with the shoulder grip to give himself an extra boost. With a flip, they landed on the roof, roughly. "Damn, I'll have to remember not to try for more than two stories till my ankle's healed," he admitted while untangling himself from Nabiki. "You okay?" "Yeah, well, I'm a hell of a lot (huff) better than I was a minute ago," she replied, laying flat on her back and closing her eyes. He waited a moment for her to get her breath back, watching as her chest rose and fell with each gasping breath beneath her sweat and... something... covered blouse. He looked away abruptly, asking, "So, what was that all about?" "I caught Gosunkugi about to do something to Akane. I surprised him just when he was about to strike, and he turned around and flung some kind of sticky red goo all over me! Next thing I know, everybody around me is giving me weird looks, one of my assistants asks me out on a date, and then Akane's friends wig- out Kuno style!" she explained. "Wig-out Kuno style? That can't be good. Well, at least it smells nice," he reasoned. "Like that's any consolation! Being hounded by a school full of potential rapists isn't my idea of a good time, Ranma!" she yelled. "Welcome to my life," he replied. "Look, just calm down, okay Nabiki? I've got experience with this sort of thing, and it really isn't all that bad. Usually these love potion things only last a day or so, and in any case I'm sure Cologne can take care of it for you. I mean, if the Gos-man could make the spell work, it can't be that hard to remove, can it?" "Well, I guess so. I'm just not used to being caught up in the local chaos, you know? I'm more of sidelines kind of girl," she added, keeping a close eye on him. "Come on, we've got her cornered! You all saw how Ranma almost missed that jump, so no way he can just jump them both down!" The yell from the stairwell sounded oddly a lot like Akane. "Hell, they're right," Ranma admitted, looking around for a place to hide or get down. "Nabiki, I need you to be very still and quiet. Try to keep your mind blank, so your chi doesn't interfere with mine." "What?" she asked as he scooped her up into his arms. "Quiet, still, no thoughts. Now," he repeated evenly as he closed his eyes and concentrated, gathering and readjusting his chi around him to activate the Umisenken technique. Nabiki tensed slightly, but forced herself to follow his instructions as the door opened. They waited silently behind the open door, remaining motionless as the hoard of students led by Akane streamed onto the roof. For several tense moments, they searched the roof, looking down the sides and glancing off around the school grounds. Eventually, Akane yelled in frustration "Well, she must have snuck by us! Come on, we'll split up and search the whole town if we have to! Besides, I can still smell her, so she can't have gotten far!" Ranma quickly jumped up to the smaller roof section above the door as the students charged back down the stairs, none even glancing in their direction as they passed. Nabiki sat absolutely still in his arms as the sound of footsteps drifted off into the distance. He held her tightly, enjoying the subtle fragrance of her hair, her skin... just like roses. "Why couldn't I have been engaged to her instead?" he wondered. "She's so much smarter, sexier, and less violent than Akane is. I could stay like this forever, just holding her in my arms and enjoying the silence." This relative peace only lasted a few moments, though, until she spoke up. "Uh, I think it's clear, Ranma." "Yeah, I guess," he sighed before hopping back to the lower roof surface and returning her to her own feet. He did not, however, completely release her from his grasp. "Maybe Hiroshi and Daisuke are right." He pondered for a moment. "Maybe I really am missing out..." He shifted his right hand to trace the curve of her left breast, cupping it gently as he bent his head down to lightly kiss along her neck and left earlobe. She jerked immediately in his grasp, but did not manage to break his hold. Somewhat unevenly, she suggested, "Uh, you can let go of me now, Ranma." "Aww, now why would you want me to do that, Nabiki-chan? We've got the entire roof to ourselves and it's such a nice day to be outside," he answered, not loosening his grasp on her waist, nor halting his gentle fondling. "Besides, I just saved you, so you owe me something as a reward... and I like holding you like this." "Ranma, let me go. Now," she commanded. He stopped his movement, but did not release her. He stared intently into her eyes, noting the nervous movements of fear with some confusion. Her mask of ice was crumbling, allowing her fear to show through. "Please, Ranma... please don't." Reluctantly, he let go of her and stepped away. His urge to take her right this minute warred for a moment, but ultimately lost against his will to protect her rather than cause more harm. "I, I'm sorry, Nabiki. I would never...I mean, I'd never hurt you, I...." She came no closer to him, but replied, "Ranma, it's okay, it's just the potion talking. You have to fight it... and I had better get rid of this as soon as possible." She waited for a moment as he stood with closed eyes, breathing deeply and smoothly. "Are you going to be okay now?" "Yeah... I think I'm alright," he answered uncertainly. "Let's get going, and I mean like now." Before I lose it again... "Us? Ranma, I don't think that such a good idea, you know?" she said, still maintaining a distance. "Nabiki, I swear I won't do that again if I can help it... but if you go by yourself then what will you do if the others find you? They may not be able or willing to resist it as much as I am right now..." ...And I won't be able to keep this up for long. Just looking at her makes my mouth water. Hesitantly she walked toward him, but did not come within a yard. "Okay, you have a point, Ranma. If you try anything though, I swear on my life that your entire family won't have a yen to its name for generations to come... is that clear?" "Yes, Nabiki, completely... but on two conditions. Neither of us mentions this to anyone..." he swallowed and looked away, "and I get just one kiss before this wears off. Deal?" She stood silent for what seemed like an eternity, staring right at him as her expression shifted slightly from shock to a thin smile. "Yeah, okay, but not until we get to the Cat Cafe, alright?" Nabiki waited for his nod, then walked past him toward the stairway. --@@@@@-- After stifling a sneeze, Mousse leaned against the wall idly with his eyes closed, enjoying the brief rest after the lunch rush had finally passed. Not that he was physically tired, of course, but he was weary of dealing with these damned Japanese customers, and this cold wasn't helping at all. They were always so polite and reserved to his face, to the point of being patronizing. As soon as he walked away from their tables they almost always began with the usual 'Chinese immigrants are taking over this country, little by little. Good food, though...' type comments, or worse. Somehow, they simply assumed that he was incapable of truly understanding their language because his eyes didn't slant the right way, or that he wouldn't be able to hear every word they said, no matter where he was in the restaurant. His bad vision had always plagued him, but there were times when he cursed his acute sense of hearing even more. His bitter reverie was cut short by a sharp strike to the top of his head. "Wake up, Mr. Part Time! Just because there are no customers for the moment does not mean that you have earned a break. Go and sweep the floors, wipe down all the stools and tables, and then get busy on dishes. When I have completed Shampoo's training session for the day, then you may rest until the dinner crowd comes. Not one second sooner." "Dried up old hag..." he muttered as he began sweeping, earning another blow by way of a thrown serving spoon. "I hear you, idiot. Less talk, more sweep!" Cologne yelled from the back lot, through the open kitchen door. "Damn her!" He scowled, but wisely kept it internal this time. "Damn this whole God forsaken island and every intolerant, bigoted soul on it. Nothing would be better than for their sacred Mt. Fuji to erupt in their faces and wipe them all from the earth in fire and ash. No, the only thing that would be better is for it to explode with Shampoo and I safely at home, and with Saotome Ranma and the crusty old bitch training in the crater as it blows." With a sigh, he quickly revised that thought. "No, that wouldn't do. That lucky fool Saotome would probably find some way to not only survive, but also discover some new technique out of being at the center of the explosion. As if he weren't powerful enough as it is. Truth be told, I doubt I'll ever reach Ranma's level now, not after seeing what he's truly capable of doing when provoked. I should tell Cologne what really happened at Jusendo, and then maybe she'd realize that she will never convince Ranma to join us, that he is impossible to force into anything." "No. Shampoo won't tell because it would guarantee that she lose her claim to Ranma. I can't tell because it would destroy my chances with Shampoo if I hurt her like that. Damn him! How can he so callously reject her love, the only thing I've ever wanted in my whole life, and then tempt me with the prospect of enslaving her will with those damned eggs?" His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the high-pitched jingle from the little bells hung on the door, quickly followed by an equally high-pitched voice. "Hey, Mousse! Can you go and get Cologne for me? I need her advice on something, I think. Oh, and I need some hot water, too! Nabiki said she'd kiss me, but only if I'm male at the time. Stupid Mrs. Tanaka and her ladle..." Mousse slowly put his glasses on and looked at the person before him. It looked like Ranma, it talked like Ranma, but there was something decidedly wrong with his rival today. He was in his girl form, still wet and dripping water on the area he just finished cleaning, and was acting rather distracted. Every couple of words he looked back over his shoulder at the door, and his skin was almost as red as his hair currently was. Strangest of all, he was leaning on a crutch. "Why should I do you any favors, Saotome?" he asked skeptically, and then sneezed again. "Because it's your place to serve your betters, idiot. Go get the water he asked for, and then start on the dishes. Keep Shampoo out back as Son-in-law said, for now," answered Cologne from behind him, with yet another crack to the skull. He grudgingly left the room, rubbing his aching head as he went, but remained within earshot. "...And take something for that nose! What would we do if a health inspector came in with you sneezing all over the place?" "Nabiki, my love, you can come in now!" "I thought I told you to stop saying that. Why are you still a girl?" He came back into the dining area with a cup of boiling broth from a soup pot, noticing the odd situation. Nabiki stood in the corner, keeping her eyes on Ranma, but keeping the redhead between herself and Mousse. Cologne sat nearby, watching the scene and chuckling slightly. He snapped Ranma out of his odd behavior with a quick splash. "Hot! Hot! Hot!" Ranma danced around frantically for a moment, dripping with broth and noodles. Nabiki stared at Mousse as her shield left his post, backing away slightly. "Is there some reason you have to fear... ahhhh," Mousse paused to breathe awkwardly for a moment, keeping his hand posed to pinch off his nose for a moment before continuing his question. "...Me today, Ten...achoo!" He pinched it off just in time, causing his entire face to momentarily puff as the pressure escaped. His shoulders sagged as he released a long deep breath with his eyes still closed. "Very clever, Mr. Part Time. Now how, pray tell, were you planning on escaping punishment for your little trick?" Cologne asked from atop her cane, smiling without amusement. "What, no escape plan? I thought as much. You just lost that break, and every other break this week. Satisfied? Good. Now get back to the kitchen and don't make any more trouble, or I'll lock you in the cage." Grumbling, he returned to the kitchen and resumed eavesdropping while searching his robes for an antihistamine. "So, can I get that kiss now?" "Forgive me for interrupting, my dears, but what exactly brings a lovely young flower like yourself to me this afternoon?" "Oh crap, not you too! Aren't you too old for that sort of thing?" "Oh, I suppose so, Son-in-law. Nothing can stop me from enjoying the view though, right?" "Oh man, that's scary..." "Say, Cologne, you wouldn't be willing to do me a favor, would you? I'd really appreciate it." "But of course, Nabiki, I'd do anything for you!" "Do you know of any love potions that use something called dragon rose as an ingredient?" "But of course I do! Not a very reliable thing, really, although very potent. It only works as long as the smell remains in the target's nose." "Hey, what about my kiss?" "Great, so you know how to cure it, right?" "But of course! The ingredients are very expensive, but I could never refuse you anything, young beauty!" "Hey! We had a deal, Nabiki!" "Geez... Can't you wait for just a minute Ranma? She hasn't even made the cure yet!" "Aiya, Airen here for to visit Shampoo!" Mousse jumped for a moment at the shriek behind him, quickly turning to face her. "No, Shampoo! The old mummy said that you have to stay back here!" he begged as he stood in the doorway waving his hands franticly. "Stupid Mousse, you no stop Shampoo from visit Airen!" She casually kicked him through the door and entered after him. "Great-grandmother, what you... Aiya! Nabiki too, too cute! Come to ask Elder if become Amazon and share airen with Shampoo, yes?" Nabiki jumped behind Ranma, answering "Uh, Nabiki come to join Amazons... no." "Aha, so that is why you were interested in a cure! Yes, of course, an untargeted love potion! I have just thing for you in the back, my sweet child," answered Cologne, who quickly bounced off into the storage room on her staff. "Just what in the hell is going on around... achoo!" Mousse asked, quickly covering his nose with a handkerchief produced from his sleeve. Nabiki momentarily paused behind Ranma in her game of 'keep away from Shampoo' to regard him as he wiped at his nose. "Wait... you can't smell anything right now, can you Mousse?" "Unfortunately, no, I can't," he grumbled. "Why?" "Good, that means at least one person inhere won't be affected by this damned potion!" She replied while running towards him. As soon as she moved, Shampoo sprang at her, only to be tripped up by Ranma. "Airen no should stop Shampoo!" she complained, but Ranma held her in a bear hug to the floor, with her arms pinned firmly to her sides. "Saotome, you bastard! Get your hands off of Sham...Achoo!" cried Mousse with indignity as he threw a variety of chains towards his rival. The sneeze, however, was enough to throw off his aim and send his glasses flying. Nearly an hour later, Cologne returned to the dining room with a clothespin on her nose. In her hand was a small cup of bubbling, purplish liquid, wreathed in dark gray vapors. Ranma, Shampoo, and Nabiki looked in her direction, all three bound securely to an overturned table with multiple lengths of chain. Mousse did not look up, choosing instead to continue looking for his lost glasses, which he promptly stepped on. She paused, surveying the scene before her with a slight chuckle as he cursed. "Quite the day for you, eh Mousse? Defeating Ranma, Shampoo, and for some reason Nabiki while I was gone." "I did what?" he asked, finally giving up on that pair of glasses and producing a second from his sleeve. He turned to regard the three rather annoyed captives, two of whom simultaneously growled at him. Nabiki, however, wasted no time whatsoever in downing the cure offered to her. "Well, I would have been impressed if you had done it on purpose..." replied Cologne while she removed the chains. Ranma and Shampoo paused for a moment and looked at Nabiki, who returned a curious look. Ranma blinked and grinned, but was cut off from replying when Shampoo turned back to look at him and immediately tackled him to the floor with a wild smile. "Gah!" yelled Ranma, as he tumbled backward with an armload of Amazon. "Airen!" cried the armload, rubbing as much of her against as much of him as she could presently manage. "Achoo!" sneezed Mousse. "I mean, Shampoo!" he yelled as he prepared to attack yet again. "Honestly," Nabiki commented offhand as the chaos resumed once more. "Enough of this nonsense, all of you!" commanded Cologne, punctuated with a sharp crack to Mousse's skull. "Shampoo, get up. Son-in-law, Tendo, get out of here so we can clean this mess up. Oh, that will be 25,000 yen for the cure, by the way." "I thought you said it was a favor," replied Nabiki, crossing her arms. "I do believe that I was not in my right mind at the time I offered such a bargain, Miss Tendo," Cologne replied coldly, "but you were still very much in command of your faculties when you accepted the counteragent I prepared." Nabiki did not back down. "You failed to explicitly state the change in price before I consumed it." "Would you rather I had left you with the effect?" Cologne asked smugly. "I could always reapply it for you." Nabiki took a quick, nervous glance at Shampoo and Ranma. "No, that won't be necessary. I could give you 10,000 yen, just to be fair." "20,000," answered Cologne, "in light of the apparent confusion." Nabiki smirked. "15,000 yen, and I don't tell the health department about Mr. Sniffles over there. They can be quite... thorough in their investigations, especially when potentially illegal immigrants are involved." "Why you greedy... achoo!" interrupted Mousse, who was himself interrupted by a sneeze. He looked away from Cologne's gaze sheepishly, wiping his nose. "Very well, 15,000 it is," conceded the elder. "I'll expect payment soon, girl." "Oh, that won't be a problem... I'll just subtract it from your bill," Nabiki replied as she handed over a strip of paper. "The repair bills that Shampoo and Mousse earned the other day at the wedding. 100,000 yen, each." "Shampoo only attempt kill obstacle," whispered Shampoo, turning away from Nabiki disdainfully. "My, that's quite a high figure. What exactly did you two do the other day?" asked Cologne, eyeing Mousse with a cold glare. "Oh, they only managed to destroy my family dojo, and our ancestral shrine that was located inside it," Nabiki offered with a dismissive hand gesture. "The bill has been divided up evenly among everyone who crashed the event, just in case you were wondering." "Don't look at me, I was just there for the cure! Shampoo was the one who..." Shampoo shot him a cold glare now as well, and he immediately slumped. "Oh fine, it was all my fault. Shampoo was a perfect little angel and did nothing whatsoever at the wedding that would cause damage, like destroying another wall and throwing bombs all over the crowded room." Shampoo's look didn't soften much. "Hmm. Well I suppose I'll just have to take out a loan, and pay off the interest by withholding your salary." Cologne now looked away from Mousse to Shampoo, who did not return her look or even make eye contact. "And your allowance, great-granddaughter." "But Shampoo innocent!" "Child, need I remind you that I was not born yesterday? Go back to your practice." Cologne answered sharply. Shampoo lowered her head and left the room quietly. "I will have your 185,000 yen by next Monday, Miss Tendo, But I strongly suggest you don't come to me for favors anytime in the near future. Now kindly take your leave." "Pleasure doing business with you," said Nabiki with a smile as she left, followed closely by Ranma after he muttered a quick thanks. Cologne grumbled to herself after they had gone, crumpling the bill in her hand and tossing it over her shoulder at Mousse's face. "Did Son-in-law seem somewhat... wrong to you, Mousse?" she inquired, still looking in the direction of the door. "Other than the crutch and the effects of the potion? No more than usual," he replied, catching the wad of paper after it struck his face and dropping it in the trash. "For a second there I thought I felt... oh, never mind. I'm probably just finally starting to get old," she mused. "Now then, Mousse, I think it is high time for you to get started on cleaning this place. You can start with the soup noodles on the floor," she suggested as she hopped away. --YYYYY-- "One Shrimp Deluxe!" declared Ukyo cheerfully as she served it the last customer in line. Wiping a few beads of sweat from her brow, she decided to take a short break. "What is going on today?" she wondered. "It's never been this busy until at least five on a weekday! Oh well, money is money and I'm not complaining, especially with that debt hanging over my head." She went into the storage room and up the stairs to the small loft apartment she called home, first grabbing a green apple from a bowl in her kitchenette, and then immediately collapsed on her couch. With a pleased sigh, she pulled her feet up and lay completely out on the couch, enjoying the rest as she took a bite of the slightly sour fruit. "Hmm, just like my Ranchan. A little under ripened and sour at first, but oh so sweet and refreshing once you get used to his special sort of flavor. Wait... Ranma! Ranchan was coming over today, and he'll be here any minute! I have to take a shower, wash my hair, change clothes..." "Ukyo-sama, Saotome Ranma is here to see you. Shall I send him up?" called Konatsu from the stairwell. She grit her teeth in annoyance. "Uh, keep him busy for a few minutes, okay? Give him a free okonomiyaki and ask him to wait a sec while I freshen up," she called down, and then immediately went into a frenzy of activity. In the span of four minutes she managed to shower, wash her hair, shave her legs, brush her teeth, dress in her Ranchan's favorite royal blue robe, tie her hair up in a perfect white bow, and practice her 'cute' smile twice in the mirror. The fact that she cut herself twice and still had soap in her eye was promptly ignored. "Konatsu?" she called down the stairs, wiping at her eye. After a moment he answered, "Yes, Miss Ukyo?" "Send him up, please. I'm ready!" As she heard the sound of footsteps approaching, she quickly went through four poses, finally deciding to set on the couch with one leg up, facing the door, with one arm resting on the back of the couch and the other in her lap, head back and eyes closed. "Uh, you comfortable, Ukyo?" asked Ranma as he entered. Immediately she opened her eyes (but not too quickly) and gave him the second 'cute' smile (small and sweet, with only a little bit of teeth) as she rose to greet him. "Hey Ranchan! Nice to see you!" "Yeah... um, nice bow," he replied. Yes! "You like it, Ranchan? It's new! I just got it yesterday, so you're the first person to see me wear it!" she answered cheerfully. He stood in silence for a moment, scratching the back of his head in his I've-got-something-to-say-but-don't-know-how-to-say-it manner before continuing. "You remember why I'm here, right?" Mentally she cursed, hoping he had forgotten about that. With much less cheer she replied, "Yeah, Ranchan, I remember." She decided that if overwhelming cuteness wasn't going to work then time for plan B; irresistible waterworks. With a little tearing up (now thankful for the still present soap in her eye), she pleaded, "Ranchan, I'm so sorry about what I did the other day. I just, I just wanted..." Ranma offered a friendly pat on the shoulder, which she immediately turned into a rather awkward hug. He put forth his best defense, "Ukyo... Come on, don't cry. I understand what you were trying to do, and I appreciate the fact that you wanted to protect me." "So you forgive me? You're not angry anymore?" she asked, her large, watery eyes looking up from his chest with hope. He let go of her, stepping back and turning sideways. "I don't know yet, Ukyo. Just like I said the other day, it's not the bombs that I'm mad about, it's the attitude. I'm mad because you, all the other girls, and even my family decided that I can't control my own life." "But, but you were there, Ranma, in a tux and everything! How was I supposed to act when I saw my fiancé about to wed another girl?" demanded Ukyo, stepping into his view. "I was devastated when I heard the news from Nabiki! I cried for hours and had to close the restaurant because I just couldn't take it! Then Shampoo called, and we decided to team up just this once to stop it from happening." His reaction was not at all what she expected. "I am so sick of everyone dragging me around, yelling at me to marry practically every girl alive, attacking me for no reason, and then blaming everything that they just did on me! I'm only human, damn it!" He stood back and glared at her with burning eyes. "Do you know what I had to deal with just this afternoon? Do you?" he demanded. He continued before she could open her mouth. "Since lunch I've been taunted about my virginity, affected by a love potion, forced to sneak around a posse of students, drenched by a senile old hag, scalded with soup, tackled by an Amazon, and chained to a table! Don't you think I deserve a break once in a while?" Ranma through his arms above his head and his head back in frustration. "And today was actually one of my -good- days!" He held his head with both hands and stood in silence, just breathing deeply with his eyes closed. "Ranchan... You're scaring me," she admitted after a very tense silence. He lowered his head and rubbed his forehead before bringing his gaze to hers. "I'm sorry, Ranma, really. I wasn't thinking straight, you know? Please calm down..." Ranma lowered his head again, looking at the floor with a sigh. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Just like I'm not quite right at the moment, either." He took her hand and sat down on the couch next to her before continuing. "Ukyo, the only reason I was there at the wedding at all was because Pop and Mr. Tendo knocked me out and dressed me in the stupid tux. Then they all tried to blackmail me with a cure that should have already rightfully been mine. It wasn't my idea at all." "Well how was I supposed to know that?" she asked softly, her voice strengthening as she continued. "Ranchan, look at it from my point of view. You run off to god knows where for a week with Shampoo and Akane, and don't even tell me where you're going. Then Nabiki comes in here, and before she even mentions that you're still alive she starts talking about a wedding for you two!" "You could have trusted me, Ukyo, maybe just a little," he replied softly. Ukyo stiffened. "You're my oldest friend... and my fiancée. There's no way I would run off without at least talking to you about it first." "Then why didn't you tell me you were running off to China last week?" she asked. "That was sort of a Jusenkyo-cursed-only kind of deal, Ukyo... and time was critical. That may not be the best excuse, and I'm sorry, but it's also a completely different situation; I had every intention of coming back. Believe me, Ucchan, if I had plans to run off with one of you girls I'd at least tell everyone first," he said, almost more to himself than to her. "I'm not my father, after all." "So it's true? What Nabiki said? That you haven't made a decision yet?" she asked in a pleading tone. "Yeah," he sighed. "So, am I forgiven, Ranchan?" she begged, noting his use of her nickname. "Yeah, I guess," he conceded, with a smile. "Just promise me you won't go off the deep end again the next time something crazy happens, okay, Ucchan? I've got enough problems with out you going nuts on me, too." "So, you had a rough day, huh?" she offered, "Me too, but not that rough. Just a bunch more customers than I expected." "Well, that's probably related to mine. Nabiki and I had some trouble that we went to Cologne to fix. We sent all their customers to you while things were crazy," he replied. "So you recommended my restaurant to all those people? Thanks, Ranchan!" she said while giving him a quick hug. "Uh, actually, that was mostly Mousse's idea, but it sounded good so I went along with it," he answered. She was prepared to reply, but was interrupted by a yell from Konatsu. "Miss Ukyo! Come quick, I need your help! Tsubassa is here again, and two other people are causing trouble as well, shouting something about Mister Ranma!" he called up the stairs. "Hell, just when this was getting good again..." Ukyo mentally replied in frustration. They both hurried down the steps and found the dining area a complete circus. Customers were diving for cover as Konatsu dueled in mid air over their heads with a phone booth that kept yelling "Charge!" Off to the side of the counter, however, stood two people who had not panicked. The first was a tall and rather handsome boy with short brown hair, who wore a rather expensive looking blue suit and jacket with a golden necktie. At his side was a rather petite girl with slightly reddish-brown hair, wearing a matching golden spaghetti strapped dress and a blue bow above her ear. The boy watched the fight with a superior smirk as the girl clutched to one of Ukyo's plates and kept muttering something that sounded French. He turned to snatch the plate from her grasp roughly, but something wasn't right about the way he moved... "Ah," she realized, "both were wearing roller blades for some reason." Behind her, Ranma started banging his head on the doorframe, muttering, "Crap, not them again. All I need now is to be jumped by Ryoga and this day will be officially my crappiest ever." "You know them, Ranchan?" she asked as she tossed a handful of spatulas at the phone booth when she had a clear shot, earning a yelp from the person inside. "Unfortunately, yeah," Ranma admitted, pointing towards them. "Sanzenin Mikado and Shiratori Azusa, the 'Golden Pair' of martial arts ice-skating. I beat them in a fight before you came to town, with Akane as my partner. Well, as my first partner, anyway. I got changed and then Ryoga showed up... well, you get the general idea. Just keep on guard around Mikado, okay? He tends to be rather... forward with women." "Forward? How?" she asked as she batted the booth with her Big Ass Spatula, finally forcing Tsubassa out of his disguise as it shattered against the wall. "I really don't want to talk about it," he answered evasively. Ukyo glanced at him with one eyebrow raised quizzically, then returned to dealing with the most active intruder. "Alright, Tsubasa, I've warned you often enough to stay the hell out of here. I guess I'll just have to beat it into you this time." Ukyo swung the spatula at the cowering, overly cute boy in drag on the floor, but she missed as he was quickly dragged out of it's path. "No! You can't hurt my precious Rupaul! He's so cute, and you'll ruin him if you do!" She raced out of the restaurant tightly holding onto a very panicky (and recently renamed) Rupaul, who screamed in girlish terror, albeit cutely. Mikado held his brow with one hand, muttering "He? You imbecile..." as Ranma chuckled from the doorway. "Aha! There you are, Saotome, hiding behind another man like a coward! We've... I've come to challenge you to a rematch, to avenge the only mark against my record and regain the following of my former fan club! I've trained so hard for this day that I haven't even been able to find the time to kiss any girls in the last year and a half!" "Man!" cried Ukyo indignantly, "I'm a woman, you idiot!" "Coward!" shouted Ranma. "You moron, you couldn't beat me then and you don't have the slightest prayer against me now!" Mikado ignored them both, his eyes trained on Konatsu as he began to rearrange the disturbed furniture. "Well, no time like the present..." He rolled over to Konatsu suddenly, lifting the surprised ninja off his feet and into his arms, "To think that such a lovely flower of womanhood could fight so bravely, and yet have no man to aid her or applaud her victory. Please, accept from me my sincerest appreciation of your talents and beauty, my long-awaited 3000th kiss!" Without further warning, he leaned in on the flabbergasted Konatsu and seized the ninja's lips. Ukyo's eyes bugged as she witnessed this scene, and grew even wider when she noticed Konatsu's arms wrap around Mikado's shoulders and return the kiss with abandon. Mikado stood amazed, receiving his first positive response to one of his advances. After a moment, the kiss ended and Mikado returned Konatsu to the ground with an absent expression and a goofy smile. Ranma backed away slowly, looking a bit green, until the kiss ended. Glancing at the few remaining patrons, he suggested "Uh, come on back to the storage room so we can talk about this, privately. There's something you really ought to know, Mikado." When Ukyo, Konatsu, and Mikado had all followed him back, he closed the door. "I never thought I'd say this, but I thank you may have finally found your niche, Sanzenin. That's two in a row for you, isn't it?" "What do you mean by 'two in a row', Saotome? I don't understand..." asked a still slightly out of it Mikado. "That's the second guy in a row you've kissed, and from the look on your face I think you liked it!" proclaimed Ranma. "Here, recognize me?" he asked with a chuckle as he poured a glass of water from a nearby table over his head. "Number 2491! But, Saotome, where...?" Mikado leaned on a crate of soba noodles for support as he witnessed the change. "Ranchan? You kissed him?" she asked, shocked. Konatsu looked very curiously at him. "Other way around, Ucchan," Ranma said defensively. "I don't think he knew exactly what he was doing, either." Ukyo nodded in understanding, and handed him a kettle of hot water, as Ranma continued his explanation. "Ancient Chinese curse of Jusenkyo, pal: Spring of Drowned Girl. Cold water curses me," she explained as she dumped the water over her head, "but hot water returns me to my normal form." With a dark snicker he added, "Just in case it wasn't clear, I'm a guy." "And you suffer from such a curse as well?" asked Mikado pleadingly as he took Konatsu's hand. "Um, no, I don't. I was born a guy but I was raised as a girl. I still consider myself one, at heart" answered the ninja. The room was silent for a moment as Ukyo looked on with pity, Mikado seemed to simply freeze, and Ranma looked on with disgust as he wondered out loud, "You mean he's gay? I always thought he was just confused..." "News to me, too, Ranma," admitted Ukyo, although without the accusatory tone. "It never really came up..." Konatsu offered, helpfully, "And it's not like it has any effect on either of you." "But I, but..." Mikado sprang to his feet and skated away, with bitter tears streaming down his face as he fled. "This cannot be!" he proclaimed as he rushed out the door. "Too bad, he was pretty cute, wasn't he, Miss Ukyo?" asked Konatsu as he stared at the door wistfully. "Really good kisser, too." Ranma paled and left quickly, muttering some unintelligible excuse. "What was all that about?" wondered Ukyo as he left. --%%%%%-- "That... That's just so wrong." Ranma paused for a moment in his hopping towards the dojo as a cold shiver ran down his spine. "I mean, sure I've pretended to like guys when I was in my cursed form, but I wasn't ever really into them, no matter what the stupid curse told my body. The idea of being with a guy when I am a guy, though... ugh, now I feel even worse." Just as he was about to continue, a rather familiar chuckle caught his attention. Just across the street, giggling maniacally and clutching a single vial of reddish goo rather protectively, was Gosunkugi Hikaru. "Heh, just what I need to take my mind off the gay stuff; a chance to dish out a little well- deserved punishment." Apparently too caught up in a premature celebration to notice Ranma's presence, he failed to dodge away as a hand shot out from behind him, flinging him into an alley by the back of the head and snatching the vial out of his hand. When he was released roughly to the ground with a shove, he looked up from his coughing long enough to realize just who it was that had him at his mercy. "Ranma! Wait, don't hit me, I can explain! I wasn't really planning to go to sneak into the Tendo home and..." "Explain what, Gos-man?" interrupted Ranma with a rather unfriendly smile. He positioned himself between Hikaru and the street lights, leaving him only a dark, imposing form of shadow to the smaller boy. "Are you going to explain to me just how using a magical potion to enslave someone with love isn't morally deplorable? Or how I should just let you go so that you can try this kind of crap again in a few days? Cause if you are, I don't want to hear it." Hikaru tried to fight back with his trusty wooden mallet, but Ranma intercepted it with a single finger. The boy quaked with fear as it was reducing it to a smoldering pile of ash and a few inches of handle with one quick burst of chi. "Wha, what do you want from me?" he asked, pleadingly, covering his face with his hands. "Oh, nothing much, really." Ranma picked Hikaru up by the front of his shirt with one hand, lifting him off of his feet and slamming him firmly against the concrete wall of a small grocery store. "I just want you to tell me how this potion of yours works." "Why would you want to... Agh!" Gosunkugi yelled as he was slammed against the wall yet again, bumping his head. He vainly grasped at Ranma's wrist with both hands but was unable to even make an indentation in the toned muscles beneath his skin. "I ask questions. You give answers. It's really simple, Gos-man," stated Ranma with that cold tone again. "It... It's just a simple love lure, nothing fancy," Hikaru replied meekly. "Do you have any more of it?" asked Ranma. "No, this is the last of it. Just take it and go, please!" begged Hikaru. "How do you make the potion only work on one person? I mean, you weren't really trying to get every guy and girl in town to fall for you, right?" asked Ranma, loosening his hold slightly as Hikaru began to cooperate. "Uh, well, all you have to do is put a sample of some sort from the person you want it to affect into the mixture. Once you do, just apply the potion to whomever you want that person to fall for, and that's it. The moment they smell the person with the potion on, it's all over for them. Simple," he replied carefully. Ranma sat him back on his feet when he finished. "So all I have to do is take a sample, say a bit of hair..." Ranma's hand darted out and pulled a few strands of hair from Hikaru's scalp. As the boy yelped and clutched at the spot, Ranma continued. "Put it in the mixture, and apply it to someone, right?" "But why would you..." stated Hikaru, realizing just what had happened as he looked up to see Ranma replacing the stopper tightly. "My code of honor won't allow me to just kick the shit out of a weakling like you, so be thankful for that," he explained, juggling the vial idly. "However, it says nothing about dishing out a little poetic justice by, say, inflicting your own plot back onto you. Maybe this time you'll finally learn your lesson." "You wouldn't," declared Hikaru, hoping to call Ranma's bluff. "Watch me," replied Ranma as he backed up his words. With a quick movement of his hand, he tossed the vial over his shoulder nonchalantly. Except for one brief reflection in the night sky, it disappeared into the air, hurtling towards the downtown shopping district. "Hey, maybe you'll luck out and it won't land on anyone." "You, you monster!" screamed Hikaru as he charged Ranma blindly. His feeble attempt at a punch was quickly deflected and converted into a simple one- handed throw across the alleyway. "I'm the monster?" asked Ranma with a derisive snort as he turned his back on the boy. "At least I left it up to chance as to whether you were inflicted or not. You, on the other hand, were planning to inflict this on Akane for your own gain. And then when your plan fell through you ran, leaving Nabiki to handle it on her own! If I hadn't found her and been able to resist it, she would probably have been molested by someone, maybe even Akane!" "I, I didn't mean to..." he whined. Ranma continued, ignoring him. "Heck, if you're lucky you might even be able to remove the effect before you get a whiff of whoever it fell on, if it fell on anyone at all." "But it will cost a fortune to get the stuff I'll need to remove its effects, and I already blew all my savings on the potion itself!" he complained. "What, and you think that I managed to get Nabiki cured for free? You ain't getting any pity out of me," replied Ranma casually. Ranma stood in the alleyway for a moment in silence, waiting with his back turned, until Gosunkugi got up and ran off down the alleyway. "Heh, that was actually almost as satisfying a fight would have been. Nabiki's gonna love it when I tell her about this. Judging by the smell, he even pissed himself!" --#####-- Akane sat on the couch, looking in the general direction of the TV but not actually watching it. Instead she replayed the day's events in her mind, hoping that she wasn't somehow turning into some kind of a pervert. Was Ranma rubbing off on her? "Hey sis, how was your day? Get chased by any perverts?" asked Nabiki as she entered the room. Akane jerked very noticeably. "I know I sure did... guys, girls, heck, even my own sister! What a day!" Akane began spouting an explanation at incredible speed, blushing furiously the entire while. "I didn't mean to, I mean, I just kind of had these weird thoughts all of a sudden, and then you ran, and everyone else ran, and I just had to chase you! I don't know why!" Nabiki sat down next to her and patted her comfortingly on the shoulder until she had regained her breath, at which point she held out her hand expectantly. "1000 yen." "For what? Forgiveness? Information? What?" asked Akane as she dug in her purse for the requested funds. Nabiki said nothing until the money was in her hand, at which point she burst out laughing. "Sis, I've got you so trained! All I did was name a price and hold up my hand, and you forked over the cash without even knowing why!" "Must. Fight. Urge. To. Kill." Akane chanted. When her efforts to calm down were thwarted by Nabiki's giggling, she demanded, "Give it back, then, before I have to hurt you." "I'm home!" called Ranma, sounding much more cheerful than he had been in the last few days. Nabiki pouted, but did slide away slightly. "Oh, calm down. In answer to your questions, the answer is both. I forgive you because it wasn't you, or anybody else in the chase's fault. Remember when Gosunkugi spilled that stuff on me? It was some kind of love potion he meant to use on you." "You mean he wanted me to be chased down like that?" asked Akane in horror. Ranma entered the room in time to hear the comment, and replied, "No, not exactly. He was going to take a bit of hair from you so that it would only affect you, and then spill it on himself." "Like that's any better..." the youngest Tendo complained. "And just how do you know that, Ranma? Cologne didn't tell us anything about how it would be used." "Simple," he replied with a smirk. "He told me." "You didn't beat him up, did you?" asked Akane with a scowl. "He's just a weakling, after all." "You beat him up for me, right?" asked Nabiki hopefully. He looked back and forth between the two Tendos for a moment, before answering, "Not really, no. Just bounced him off a few walls, scared him till he wet himself." Akane's scowl lessened. "Then I set it to only affect him, and tossed it off randomly into the city." "Poetic justice, I like it," replied Nabiki. "But I'm not done with him yet, not by a long shot." "You shouldn't have done that, Ranma," complained Akane. "I feel sorry for whoever that lands on." "Relax, Akane. For all you know, it may not have hit anyone, or maybe it landed on some guy, or just a dog." He stopped for a moment, and thought before continuing. "Ok, so maybe it was kinda dumb, but even if it did get on somebody, it's not he could really do anything to them. Besides, it will only kick in if he smells it. He ran home, complaining about the cost of making an antidote for himself, so if that does happen he can always remove the potion's effects." "I don't care, I still think it was funny," said Nabiki with a smile. "Heck, if you're lucky he'll come to you for a loan," added Ranma with a chuckle. "Wait a second... How come you weren't affected, Ranma?" asked Akane, still not happy about the situation. Ranma didn't answer with anything more than a blush, but Nabiki spoke for him. "He was, Akane; he was just able to fight it off. I guess Ranma's built up a bit of a tolerance to love potions, as often as he gets hit with them." "It did affect you?" said Akane, suspicious. "You had better not have done anything perverted to my sister, you jerk! You're bad enough as it is, but who knows how depraved you can get with something like that affecting you?" Ranma froze up, but Nabiki was once again quick with the answer. "Don't worry sis, Ranma was a perfect gentleman, as always. He did nothing more than protect me from certain other perverts." She glanced at Akane meaningfully, who looked away quickly. The room when silent for a moment, until Ranma stood up and stretched, making a big show of it. "Damn, hopping around all day sure is a hell of a lot more tiring than just running everywhere. I'm gonna go take a nap. Wake me for dinner, Nabiki?" he asked, starting up the stairs. "Sure, no problem. Least I could do," she replied with a nod. "Thanks," he said, mouthing 'for everything.' "Your welcome, Ranma," she replied with a smile as she reached for the remote. "Perfect chance to apologize, sis," she whispered as she leaned close to Akane. "Um, Ranma?" Akane began, "About yesterday?" He stopped on the stairs for a moment, but did not turn to look at her. "What about it, Akane? I thought I pretty much spelled that out." "I just," she fumbled with the words for a moment, "I'm, uh, sorry for what I said. Really." "Are you?" he asked with a flat tone. "Or will you just fly off the handle again the next time something happens, just like you always do?" "Really, I'm sorry," Nabiki nudged her. "I'll, um, try not to jump to conclusions about you again, Ranma. I promise, even." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Didn't you promise Kasumi something similar when I first got here? How long did you keep that promise, Akane? An hour, maybe?" "I really mean it this time, honest!" she pleaded. He looked down at her with an unreadable expression for a long moment before speaking. "Apology accepted... this time." He finished his climb without further comment. Akane began to simmer. "Why did he say 'this time'? Is he still mad at me or something? Why did he ask Nabiki to wake him up, and not me? What the heck was he really trying to say at the end?" Her head was spinning with questions, but it was obvious that she would get no answers here tonight. Frustrated, she decided to just work off her stress in the dojo... then promptly remembered that wasn't an option at the moment. Fuming now, she decided that the broken remains of the fallen dojo would do just a fine job of absorbing her anger, instead of the usual concrete bricks, just for today. --?????-- He was trapped in a small prison of stone, about four feet across, in absolute darkness. He searched franticly for a door, finding only a cold metal pole just above his head and strips of something hanging from it by metal hooks. The first felt like cloth, the next fur, and next... some sort of tanned flesh. "Where the hell am I now?" he bellowed, fearing that Hell was exactly where he was. Just as he was about to try the Bakusai Tenketsu to free himself, light streamed in from behind him. "You are in the coat closet of the noble house of Kuno, traveling warrior, although I haven't the slightest conception of why you would indulge in exploring such a mundane location when other forms of entertainment abound." "Uh, heh, I knew that. I was just looking for a place to put my backpack. It's not like I'm lost or anything," he explained, daring his benefactor to deny his story, or to make fun of him. He would be more than willing to pound the living shit out of the arrogant bastard... "Indeed? A suitable notion. Come, noble warrior, I would be pleased if you would join me in a feast before our eminent defeat of the dreaded sorcerer, Saotome. I assure you, my sister prepares quite a refined spread of comestibles, and no doubt one as hearty as yourself can easily withstand the effects of her more... exotic spices." "Yeah, sure. Food sounds good. I haven't had anything but my camp cooking in several days," he replied, following the kendoist carefully to the dining hall. He glanced around occasionally, but never far enough that Kuno left his peripheral vision, and marveled at the splendor of the home. The floorboards were dark ancient cedar, polished to a bright luster and lay as straight as the day they were first cut. The interior walls were of the typical paper style, but each panel was finely decorated with watercolor images of samurai in armor standing proudly, all bearing the same crest, rolling plains of green, and even a majestic view of Mt. Fuji against the setting sun. The exterior walls were composed of solid blocks of granite, almost seamlessly joined and smooth to the touch. Everywhere he looked he saw other signs of extravagance, from freshly cut roses marking several spots in obviously priceless vases, to the finely crafted cedar furniture and silver etched trim on the exposed timbers of the roof. Never before had he seen such a place (well, at least not one that he was invited into), and he immediately felt a swelling of anger. "Such extravagant living, all the trappings of comfort and contentment that had always been denied him... these things would only make a warrior soft and weak. No wonder this dope always loses to Ranma," he reasoned. The meal was one of the best he had ever tasted, although his limbs felt oddly stiff, somehow. The company, however... Well, the host he had gotten used to on the trip, and as such was not completely annoyed by his mindless prattle, but the father kept complaining about his hair and demanding he remove his headbands so he could shave it off. The sister was even worse, turning out to be none other that the same bitch that had chained him to Ranma in the middle of a fight, and repeatedly Akane had mentioned the girl as having attacked her. He ate his meal in silence, trying to avoid losing his temper while enjoying the Kunos' hospitality. "After dinner and a bit of evening entertainment, would you care to join me in a friendly spar? The family Kuno has quite an impressive training facility, carved from the solid earthly foundations of the estate," commented his host as he finished his meal. "I think we should go and find Ranma right now, not waste time," he replied with a scowl. "Ah, but would it not be fitting for us to rest this eve, and to prepare for a glorious battle in the light of day, where others might perceive our victory for the predestined triumph of goodness that it is?" Tatewaki insisted. "You want to wait around in you plush little castle, fine. I'm going now, and I don't want to hear any complaints from you when I beat him first." Ryoga stood up defiantly and turned to leave. "This is foolishness. In the words of Sun Tsu...'If the General is unable to control his impatience and orders his troops to swarm up the wall like ants, one-third of them will be killed without taking the city,'" quoted Tatewaki gravely. "I'm no general, we have no troops, and Ranma is no city, Kuno," replied Ryoga as he marched determinedly into the kitchen. "Yes? What do you require, peasant guest of my idiot brother?" asked Kodachi, looking up from the dirty dishes she was moving to the washing machine as he entered. "Uh, I just wanted to thank you for your dinner, and to, um, ask just how the heck I get out of here," he answered quietly. "Ah, yes, now I remember you. The eternally Lost Boy, I believe my Ranma- sama called you." She smirked at his glower, but continued speaking. "Follow me, if you must, but please don't touch anything." She led him to the front door, and attempted to retrieve his backpack from the closet. Unable to lift it, she simply glared at him until he picked it up himself. "And here we are. The exit from the house grounds is directly down this path, which does not intersect any other. Do stay on it, and mind the land mines," she commented as she pushed him out and closed the door. "Land mines!?" he wondered out loud before starting down the path, keeping his eyes firmly rooted on the path in front of him. He wandered off into the cool night air, not daring even to blink as he followed the path. Author's notes: When I started writing this chapter, I felt kind of bogged down by the sheer amount of angst that the last two had presented. Hence, the usual Nerima Chaos comes back in this chapter to lighten the fic up a bit. The Kuno / Ryoga interlude was originally part of chapter 2, but was pulled because it just didn't fit the mood. Several pre-readers liked the scene (even if it didn't quite make sense originally), so it found a new home here. In case anyone is concerned, the focus of this fic will not be comedy for any extended length of time. It will be used off and on, however, along with the occasional fight scene, to keep the drama and angst from reaching intolerable levels. It just wouldn't be a Ranma story if there were no laughs, fights, or romantic moments, would it? For the curious, "insider" pre-readers have been briefed on the overall plotline, while "outsider" pre-readers are without such knowledge. Nemesis_Zero, AKA Brian #2 Reviews welcomed, appreciated, and sometimes even answered! Wow!