Targhan's World
Presents
An Omake from "A Divine Daughter"
by: Targhan (targhan_aga@yahoo.com)
May God have mercy on our souls!
Introduction:
Time and space are peculiar things. The vastness of space can be greater than even a collective imagination. The always creeping of time in a linear fashion is the ultimate "unstoppable force." Yet, this story will deal with neither of those! This is simply an alternate, albeit super-deformed, world to the "A Divine Daughter" story. A world in which the bunny-like heavenly bug was never knocked aside by the ever curious Nabiki. A world altered to the point that the story cannot even be considered a side story. It is...
Disclaimer:
I do not own the characters or settings of Ranma 1/2 or Oh! My Goddess!. They belong to the appropriate licensees and their original creators, who are not me.
The Adventures of Mini-Ranko
The Tendo-Dojo is sitting at rest. However, the person who stated, "An object at rest tends to stay at rest," never visited Nerima, Japan. No, in this district anything can happen at anytime, and it can happen anywhere for any cause! But, I digress... The peaceful squat little dojo was sitting quietly in the rear of the Tendo compound. Also, it was currently occupied by an amazing martial-artist and his adopted daughter, who happens to really be a Norn.
Well, physics actually apply at this intersection of potential energy. Newton's twelfth law, "Where there is a martial artist from Nerima, there will be a loud boom!" is about to apply to the Tendo Dojo (again). For, you see, the wondrous techno-jiggary that Skuld has created is about to be used to free Ranma from his curse, or so she thinks...
Skuld: Are you ready?
Ranma: Whattya' mean, am I ready? If you're waiting on me, you're backing up!
Skuld: Beginning operation of "Super-Krystals-Chili-Pup Artifactual Curse Remover!"
Ranma: Aaaaargh! Just pull the damned switch, will ya'?!!?
Skuld, to herself: Note, must create neo-potty-mouth-plunger-01, and soon.
With that, Skuld pulled the switch to begin the exchange of Ranma's curse to a crystal designed to contain chaotic magic. Unfortunately, there was a loud pop eminating from the dojo, which was immediately followed by billowing blue smoke.
Looking out of her window, Nabiki wondered what the two fruitcake guests of the Tendo home were doing in the dojo. In the kitchen, Kasumi only hoped they wouldn't be late for dinner. Elsewhere, Akane simply hoped that Ranma's girl side wouldn't escape the crystal to attempt another murder...
There was one other player in the little game, this time around. For you see, a cute, white, fuzzy, little bunny-like bug was still chewing on the wire at the time. The net result? Skuld had no idea where that curse had gotten off to!
Ranma: Wahoo! I'm free! I'm free! Look at me!
(Many splashing sounds eminating from the dojo, and Ranma continues his dance of joy.)
Skuld: Uh oh.
Ranma: Wahoo.. Uh oh? What's an Uh oh? I'm cured!
Skuld: I don't know where the curse got off to!
Ranma: Who cares! It ain't me!
Skuld: I have a bad feeling about this.
Meanwhile, outside the small bunny like bug found itself being transformed from a bug, to a busty red-head, to an overly busty red-headed-super-deformed-girl, and back again! I, the narrator, will attempt to explain the conservation of energy... Well, no I'm not. Needless to say the bug didn't understand, nor did it care!
Bug: Squeak?
Narrator: Sorry.
Bug: Squeeeeeeeeek!
(Insert crashing sounds here.)
I'm not feeling so good, but I'll try to continue. The innocent, yeah right, bug found itself wandering about the Tendo home, after it's sudden new set of forms. Thus, it had it's first new experience in a long time, human contact.
Akane (surprised): Ranma? I thought you were supposed to be cured??!!
Bug (lunges into a hug): Squeak! (whimpering sounds)
Akane (hits bug): Get off of me you PERVERT!!
Our poor little bug, who shall henceforth be called MiniRanko, was sent flying the Akane-Borne Express in a line directly towards Ukyou's Ucchans. The poor little thing, had met violence at it's first contact with a human. (Awww.) MiniRanko's next stop was coming, and was coming fast!
MiniRanko (shaking her head): Squeak.
Ukyou (noticing): Awww! How cute! She looks just like Ranma-Honey!
MiniRanko: Squeak?
Ukyou: Did you get a new curse? Did you get yourself turned into child for me to take care of?
MiniRanko: Squeak? Squeak?
Ukyou (quickly scooping SD-MiniRanko into a glomp: Oooh! Ranma-Honey!
MiniRanko (turning into regular Ranko): Squeak!
Ukyou: Oh! It was a disguise to escape Akane!
Ranko: Squeak?
Ukyou: Darling! Let's get married right now!
Ranko: Squeak?
Ukyou: You will, wonderful!
Ranko: Squeak?
Ukyou (dousing Ranko with water): Hey! Why aren't you turning back?
Ranko: Squeak.
Ukyou: It's ok, I'll marry you anyway!
[Tsubasa runs in, and bonks Ranko.]
Tsubasa: Stay away from Ukyou-sama, you jerk!
Suddenly, Ranko found herself as a bug again, and hopped as far as her little legs could take her. She had to escape that crazy human who was trying to squeeze her to death. Unfortunately, she was turned back into MiniRanko, and she run into the Kunos.
T. Kuno: Hark, oh ye fair maid, who looks so much like my beloved!
MiniRanko: Squeak! Squeak? Squeak! Squeak! [Absolute surprise at being felt up!]
T. Kuno: Oh, my dearest of dears! Thou truly feel as soft as a main in a midsummer's night dream!
MiniRanko: Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! [Translation: OH MY GOD, GET THIS FREAKY PERV OFF OF ME!] Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
K. Kuno: Dear brother, why must you fool with such a harlot?
T. Kuno: Begone, oh deranged sister!
<<THWAP>>
MiniRanko (Running for dear life): Squeeeeek!
MiniRanko runs and runs, she doesn't care where she goes, as long as it's away from those scary humans! Unfortunately, she ran right into the Nekohaten, the Cat Cafe' if you will. The innocent MiniRanko, former bug, is now within sight of Shampoo!
[Insert The Amazing Amazon Glomp here!]
MiniRanko: Squeeek!
Shampoo: Ranma come take Shampoo to date, yes?
MiniRanko (trying to breathe): Sq.. Squ.... Squee.. Eeek!
Shampoo: Ranma tell Shampoo that he love, yes?
MiniRanko: Squeak! [Help!]
Shampoo: Ranma, you do love Shampoo! Great-Grandmother!
Cologne: Yes, Xian-Pu?
Shampoo: Ranma says he go back with Shampoo!
MiniRanko: Squeeeek! [Oh my god! Another squeeze-monster!]
Cologne: Well, let's not waste time, my child.
Shampoo: We go back to China, and Shampoo make Ranma too-too good marriage dinner, with roast duck!
Mousse: How dare you! Saotome! [Thwack]
MiniRanko found another harsh truth about reality. Asphalt hurts one's bum, particularly, when one is skidding along it. Within moments, poor little MiniRanko was once again directly in front of the Tendo home. However, they had an unexpected visitor...
P-Chan: Bweee! [Raising paws for a fight!]
MiniRanko: Squeak? [A pig?]
P-Chan: Bweee! [Prepare yourself Ranma!]
MiniRanko: [ Big-Sweats. ]
P-Chan [swinging]: Bwee-Bwee! [Hold still and take your pounding!]
MiniRanko: Squeeeek!
After a short scuffle, MiniRanko clambers out of the Tendo pond, and she pulls a Koi out of her blouse [No, I don't know where the blouse came from.]. With ratty hair and a bruised body, Mini-Ranko looked squarely up at a curious Ranma, and proceeded to squeak unintelligibly.
Ranma, while scratching the back of his head, looked over at Skuld. When Skuld translated the bug's squeaks*, Ranma could only bang his head on a nearby rock!
*[Saotome Ranma, I swear vengeance upon you! I will not allow this crime to go unpunished! I'm a GUY bug!]
The End
Notes: Dear readers, I have, in fact, completely lost my mind. I can only hope you found a chuckle in it somewhere.
The Ranma1/2 - SailorMoon Crossover Creator Challenge Website has been redesigned, and voting will be up within a week or so!
Check it out at http://www.beeftrapeze.com/challenge/
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C&C gladly accepted at targhan_aga@yahoo.com
See Ya' in another fic!